Alexander II_ The Last Great Tsar - Edvard Radzinsky [80]
Later they returned to Tsarskoe Selo, only to leave together again. He had come to enjoy taking the boy along to Headquarters.
He: “2 November, 1915. When we arrived here by train in the evening, Baby played the fool, pretended to fall off his chair, and hurt his left arm.… Yesterday he spent in bed. I explained to every one that he had simply slept badly, and myself as well.”
The boy’s illness remained a state secret. This was ruinous, for they still could not explain to the country what Rasputin was doing in the palace.
She: “Nov. 5th 1915.… How charming Alexei’s photographs are.… Fredericks asked my opinion, whether to permit that cinema of Baby and Joy [his setter] … to be shown in public.… Baby told Mr. Gilliard, that it was silly to see him … and that the dog looked cleverer than he—I like that.”
He: “31 December, 1915.… My warmest thanks for all your love.… If you only knew how it supports me and how it rewards me for my work, responsibilities and anxieties, and so forth? Indeed, I do not know how I could have endured it all, if God had not decreed to give you to me as a wife and friend! I speak in earnest. At times it is difficult to speak of such truths, and it is easier for me to put it down on paper—owing to stupid shyness.”
She: “Dec 31st 1915. My own Sweetheart, This is the last time writing to you in the year 1915.… I don’t know how we shall meet the new Year—I likes being in Church—it bores the children.… And yr. rooms without our Sunbeam, poor angel!”
Thus began 1916, the last full year of their reign. Alexei spent New Year’s at home, at Tsarskoe Selo.
She: “Jan. 4th 1916.… Baby seriously writes his diary, only it so funny about it,—as little time in the evening,… writes in the afternoon about dinner.—Yesterday as a treat he remained long with me, drew, wrote and played on my bed—and I longed for you to be with us.”
I am leafing through the first diary of the heir to the Russian throne. An heir who never did become tsar. It is “The Book of Souvenirs for 1916”—a yellow silk cover, gold edging, and on the back an inscription by the empress: “The first diary of my little Alexei.”
Alexei’s first entries are written in large, comical letters, almost scribbles. He was already eleven. Because he was always sick, he had gotten a late start on his studies.
“January 1. Got up late today. Tea at 10. Then went to see Mama. Mama doesn’t feel good and so she lied all day. Stayed home with a cold. Had lunch with Olga, Tatiana, Marie, and Anastasia. In the afternoon was at Kolya’s [Dr. Derevenko’s son, Alexei’s best friend] and played there. It was a lot of fun. Had dinner at 6, then played. With Mama at dinner at 8. In bed at 10.”
And so on—faceless narration, a precise reflection of his father’s diary: most important, brevity and no reflection.
“July 8. Bath in the morning. Then a walk and play, before lunch Mama and sister arrived. In the afternoon a ride in the motor. Ran over a dog. Tea with Mama. After dinner in the city garden. Children playing there.”
He did not play with them. He could only watch. Any movement was dangerous for him. The days passed steadily. As usual. Everything for him was “as usual.”
“February 27. Got up as usual. Was at Nizhnyaya Church. We took Communian [sic], then—as usual….
“February 15. Everything as usual. Papa left at 12. Saw him off….
“March 3. Everything as usual….
“April 7. The same. Confession in bed….
“April 8. The same. Communion in bed.”
“The same”—bed, walks, food, prayer, and bed again. The trip to Headquarters was his dream, a fantastic event in his monotonous life, in his “as usual.”
She: “Jan. 28th 1916.… Once more the train is carrying my Treasure away, but I hope not for long—I know I ought not to say this, & for an old married woman it may seem ridiculous—but cannot help it.—With the years love increases.… It was so nice you read to us & I hear your dear voice now always!… Oh, could but our children be equally blessed in their married lives.