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By Root 2338 0

were obtained in ignoble fashion.… Your little family is worthy of their father. I gradually explained the situation to the Older Girls and the Cow [Anya]; before they were too ill.… It was very difficult to pretend before them. I have only told Baby half, he has 36.1 [his body temperature: 97°F] & is quite merry. Only everyone is in despair that you are not coming.… Last night was with Ivanov from 1 til 2.30.… I think he could go through Dno to see you, but could he get through? He had hoped to pull your train behind his. [Count] Fredericks’s home was burned down, and his family now in the Cavalry Guards hospital. The two movements—the Duma and the revolutionaries—are two snakes & I hope they bite each others heads off, which would save the situation. I feel that God will do something. What bright sun. If only you were here! There is only bad, even the Marine has abandoned us. They absolutely do not understand a thing, some microbe has implanted in them.… When people find out they have not let you go, the troops will be outraged & will rise up against them all….

“Well then let them bring order & show that they are good for something in the Duma. They have ignited too great a fire, tho’—how is it to be put out now?… The children are sleeping peacefully in the darkness, the elevator has not worked for 4 days, the cable broke.… Right now am going out to greet the soldiers standing in front.… I can advise you nothing, only be yourself, my precious one. Should you have to submit to circumstances, God will help you free yourself from them. Oh my holy sufferer.

“Postscript: … Wear his [Rasputin’s] cross, even if it is uncomfortable, for my peace of mind.”

The children began to recover in their darkened bedroom.

Anya awoke from her illness and high temperature. She had fallen ill in a world where she was the omnipotent friend of the most powerful woman in Russia; she woke up in a disgraced, besieged palace.

There were horrifying, maddening rumors beginning on March 2: Nicholas had abdicated!

Again she appealed to Paul.

Paul brought her the newspaper with the text of the abdication manifesto. “No, no, I do not believe it, these are all rumors, newspaper slander.” She said something else that made no sense: she did not want to read the manifesto. She fell prostrate, whispering in French: “Abdiqué! Abdiqué!” Her life was over. They had stolen her Little One’s legacy. All was lost. She remained, however, the Beautiful Lover. She did not blame him—not for a second, not in a word.

“March 3rd. My beloved, Soul of my soul—Oh, how my heart bleeds for you. I am going mad not knowing anything at all other than the vilest rumors which are enough to drive one insane. I would like to know whether the two young men I sent with my letters ever reached you today?… Oh for the love of God, at least a line. An officer’s wife will give you this letter. I know nothing about you, only heart-rending rumors. You are doubtless hearing the same.

“My heart is breaking with pain for you and your total isolation. I shall only write a little, since I do not know whether my letter will get to you, whether they will search her en route—so crazy have people become. This evening Marie & I are making a tour of the cellar to see the men—very heartening.… In town, Ducky’s husband [Grand Duke Kirill] is behaving repulsively, though acting as if he were toiling for the good of the monarch and the Homeland.… My love, my love! We had marvelous prayers & acathistus at the ikon of the Mother of God, which was brought into the green bedroom, where they were all lying—very encouraging. Everything shall—must—be alright. I shall not waver in my faith. Oh, my dear angel, I love you so much, I am with you always, night & day. I realize what your poor heart is experiencing now. God shall have mercy & send you strength & wisdom. He shall help & reward you for these mad sufferings.… We shall all fight for you, we are all in our places.… One could go mad, but we shall not for we believe in a bright future.

“… Paul was just here—and told me everything. I wholly understand