All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [129]
"I'll be right there." Natalie finished her notes, then walked out to the waiting room. She didn't know who she'd been expecting, but it certainly wasn't Janet Parish. Swallowing hard, she stared at the older woman, seeing the lines around her eyes and the gray streaks in her hair. She'd aged in the last week. Yet there was something softer in her eyes that hadn't been there the last time they'd seen each other—which, of course, had been one of the more embarrassing moments of Natalie's life.
Janet stood up, clasping the strap of her purse tightly in her hands. "Natalie, I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I didn't know how else to find you without asking Cole or Richard, and I wanted to do this myself."
Natalie glanced around the room and waved Janet toward a quiet corner. "Do what?" she asked, as they sat down together.
"Thank you," Janet said.
"There's nothing to thank me for."
"Yes, there is. I went through Emily's journal last night. Did you read it?"
"No. It wasn't my place."
"It wasn't mine, either, but my curiosity got the better of me. I thought I knew my daughter, but there was so much I didn't know about her." Janet took a moment to gather her thoughts. "I didn't realize that I was holding her back. I didn't know that Emily resented our phone calls, that she felt we didn't trust her to take care of herself. I didn't understand until I read her journal that Emily went to school to get away from me." Her eyes filled with tears. "I loved her so much, Natalie. She was my whole world. I wanted to know everything that she did, everything that she thought. I was so proud of her. I thought she was such a special person."
"Emily was special, and she went away to school to find herself," Natalie corrected, unwilling to let Janet live under any more misconceptions. "Like the rest of us, she wanted to experience life and independence. She was a typical college girl."
"That's nice of you to say." Janet drew in a deep breath, obviously fighting for control. "She loved you, Natalie. She thought of you as the sister she never had. I don't know if Emily told you, but I was pregnant twice after she was born. I miscarried both times. The second time I was seriously ill. They told me then that I couldn't have any more children. Maybe that's why I wanted to hang on so tightly to the two I had." She paused. "I'm sorry we blamed you for everything. I needed to blame someone. I couldn't get through it any other way. I was hurting so badly I felt someone else should suffer, too. And you were there."
"And I was there," Natalie echoed.
"You acted so guilty. You couldn't tell us what had happened. It was easy to think you were responsible in some way."
"I understand why you thought I might have been involved, and I deeply regret my behavior that night."
"Deep down, I knew the kind of person you were. You'd been in our home. You'd shared holidays with us. I knew you. I am very sorry, Natalie. I hope someday you can forgive me, and Richard, too. He just followed my lead."
"There's nothing to forgive. I mean that. We all made mistakes. But we all loved Emily. That's what matters. It's time we put the past to rest."
"Cole said you're an amazing woman, and he wasn't talking about the girl you used to be, but the woman you are now." Janet gave her a long, considering look. "I don't know what has happened between the two of you, but I wanted to tell you that Richard and I won't stand in the way of you and Cole being together, if that's what you both want."
Natalie immediately shook her head. "That isn't what Cole wants."
"I'm not sure my son knows what he wants. Apparently, he's leaving for the Middle East tomorrow. He's going to be our foreign correspondent."
Natalie's heart skipped a beat. "Cole is leaving?"
"Yes. Tomorrow. Unless you can stop him."
Suddenly Natalie wondered if that wasn't really why Janet had come to see her. "Is that why you came here? Because I can't stop him. I won't even try. And neither should you."
"He's the only child I have left," she said with a helpless