All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [16]
"I know what you mean," Natalie replied, letting Laura off the hook. "It does feel the same. I don't know why it does. We're not nineteen anymore. And a lot has happened since then." Their friendship had not ended naturally. They hadn't just drifted apart as college friends do. Their relationship had been shattered by Emily's death, by their behavior that night at the party and by the guilt they each felt for letting Emily down. Madison had taken off before the funeral, sent to Europe by her parents, and Natalie had transferred within the week to a college in Los Angeles. It hadn't taken more than ten days to end what had once been intense and beautiful friendships, the best Natalie had ever had, and something she doubted she would ever share again.
"Do you miss her?" Laura asked.
Natalie looked into Laura's eyes and said with utter sincerity, "Every day. She was the best part of all of us."
Laura nodded, blinking back a tear. "I always thought so, too. I've tried to tell people about Emily, but I can never find the right words to describe her. It's easy to say that she was beautiful and fun and full of life, but she was more than that. She was our spirit, our inspiration. She made us believe in ourselves." Laura shook her head. "But that's not even right, because it makes her sound like she wasn't real, like she couldn't get down and dirty, you know? Of course, you know ... I'm rambling, aren't I? I just can't believe we're sitting here together after ten years of silence between us." She took another breath, her brown eyes softening even more. "I missed you, too, Natalie. You and Madison. I missed us, the way we were together. Actually, I missed me, the fourth girl in the Fabulous Four. I don't think I've been fabulous in a while. And I don't think I realized that until last night when I started reading the book."
"You weren't the fourth girl," Natalie said, trying to defuse the emotion in their conversation. She'd never been as comfortable with sharing personal thoughts and feelings as Laura had been. "It's not like we had numbers or anything."
"Oh, please. I was definitely fourth. Emily was number one, because she was the ringleader. You were two, because you were her roommate. Madison was three, because there's no way she could ever come in behind me, so that makes me four. It's okay. I was happy just to be in the group."
Laura slid her locket along her gold chain necklace, a nervous habit that reminded Natalie of other occasions when Laura had done exactly the same thing. With two older, beautiful, and accomplished sisters, a father who was a brilliant lawyer, and a mother who expected her daughter to be perfect, Laura had always been insecure. She'd worried endlessly about saying and doing the right thing, about people liking her, about fitting in. Her need to please and desperate desire for love had been both endearing and irritating when they were in college, and having heard the raw vulnerability in Laura's voice just now, Natalie suspected those needs had not disappeared in the last ten years.
"You haven't said anything in at least a minute." Laura's brows drew together in a frown. "Did I say something wrong?"
"I was just thinking."
"You were always good at thinking before you speak. I'd still like to learn how to do that. Drew often complains that I talk when I shouldn't, especially at law-firm cocktail parties. Did I tell you that Drew works at my father's firm?"
"That keeps it all in the family."
"A little too much all in the family. I feel like we can't get away from my parents. And the more we're all together, the more Drew acts as critical of me as they do. Sometimes I don't think any of them believe I have a brain in my head."
"Well, they're wrong," Natalie said, not just because it was expected, but because it was true. Laura might have a desperate need to please, but she wasn't dumb; she never had been.
"Thanks. That's nice of you to say. But to be fair, my brilliant conversation for most of the past