All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [24]
It hurt that he couldn't believe her. She wrapped her arms around her waist, feeling cold and utterly alone. She should be used to those feelings by now. But they were worse with Cole so near. She was reminded of that brief period in her life when love had filled her heart, when she'd begun to believe there might still be a happily ever after. That had ended with Emily's fall. Actually, it had ended before that.
"I wish you could remember where you were that night," Cole continued. "It doesn't help that you were passed out drunk in the upstairs bathroom when Emily fell and that you have no memory of anything that happened at the party."
"You think I don't know that? You think I don't wish a thousand times every day that I hadn't gotten stupidly drunk that night? You think I don't feel horrible that I wasn't there for Emily? My God, Cole. You could never blame me as much as I blame myself for putting my needs above Emily's, for not watching out for her as I'd promised, for not knowing who she was with or what she was doing. She was my best friend, and I let her down."
"You never said that before," he said slowly.
"You never gave me a chance." She held his gaze for a long moment. "I'm sorry, Cole. I'm sorry, and I'm sad. But I'm not guilty. I wouldn't have hurt Emily, not because of some pills that I never stole or some fight that I supposedly had with her over you. Can I prove it? No, I can't. But I know it in here." She put her hand on her heart. "And you should know it, too, because you knew me once. You knew me better than anyone."
Cole ran a hand through his hair. "I thought I knew what happened. I believed Emily drank too much, went on the roof to stargaze, and just slipped. But this damn book is turning that night into a murder mystery. Emily is portrayed as someone I don't know. Her thoughts about school and friends and men ..." He shook his head in bewilderment. "Some sounded like her. Some didn't."
"Because some of the words were hers and some weren't. I felt the same way when I was reading it, like I was there but it wasn't quite the same party I remembered, and the people weren't exactly right, but some of their traits were familiar."
"You would be able to tell the truth from the fiction better than I would, because you were there all the time. I just came down on the occasional weekend. I didn't know what was going on the rest of the time." He drew in a long breath. "The worst part is knowing that I was close by that night. That I could have stopped it. I was with Josh at Dylan's apartment, less than a mile away. Emily wanted me to come to the party. She called me and begged me to come. I didn't feel like it, and I told her maybe later." There was agony in his eyes when he looked at her, and Natalie could feel his pain down to her soul. "I didn't go, Natalie. I didn't go to that party until it was too late. Em wanted me there with her, and I didn't go."
"Because of me," she murmured. "You didn't want to see me. I was getting too serious." She'd told him she loved him. It was the first and last time she'd ever said those words to a man. And he'd run for the hills.
Cole looked down at the ground. "I should have been there for my sister. I failed her."
His guilt was as tangible as her own, and the anger inside her began to dissipate. "We both could have acted differently, but we didn't, and we can't change it now. It's over. It has been for a long time."
"It's not over, not with this book making the rounds. I went back to work yesterday and ran through everything I could find on Garrett Malone. It turns out there's very little information on the guy. It's like he came out of nowhere. I've put in calls to his publicist, his agent, and his publisher, but it's the weekend. I won't hear back from any of them until tomorrow. And his Web site hasn't been updated with any appearances after the book signing yesterday."
"Where does he live?"
"His press materials say California, nothing more specific than that. I will find him, Natalie. And he will talk