All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [98]
"I was here. I don't need a recap."
He sounded angry, and she wasn't sure who exactly he was angry at. "Are they always like that? So needy?"
"They lost a lot when they lost Emily," he said heavily. "They have a right to be needy. I just can't ever seem to give them what they want."
"Emily used to say that, too," Natalie murmured.
"We already discussed that. Emily was sick as a child. She had to be protected."
"But you weren't sick. You didn't need to be protected. You felt trapped, too. And you still do." She looked into his eyes and knew she was right. "Is that why you ran from me before, Cole? Is that the real reason you wanted to get out of our relationship as soon as I told you I loved you?"
Cole ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Natalie. I don't know anymore. Maybe."
In a strange way Natalie was glad Cole's parents had come by. She understood him better now. Cole was afraid of getting too much love. And she was afraid she would never get enough. How on earth could they ever be together?
"I'll take you home," he said. "I need to go to work."
* * *
Natalie spent most of the morning cleaning her apartment, catching up on laundry, bills, e-mail, all the while trying to ignore the memories clamoring in her head. She did not want to relive yesterday or last night. She did not want to think about how good it had been with Cole and how much harder it was to be alone again now that she'd spent the night with him. She had only herself to blame. She'd made love to him with her eyes open. She'd chosen not to think about tomorrow—so why was she surprised that tomorrow had come and bitten her on the ass? She'd known the time they had together was only a brief interlude. She just had to accept it and move on. Except she just didn't quite know how to move on.
There was still the problem of the book, the reporters, the fact that she couldn't go back to work. She felt trapped. And she needed a way out.
When the phone rang in the late afternoon, she let the answering machine pick up, expecting it to be yet another reporter asking her questions she couldn't answer. She was surprised to hear a familiar voice on the machine, another woman from her past.
"Natalie, this is Diane Thomas," the woman said. "I don't know if you remember me, but—"
"Diane," Natalie said, grabbing the phone. "Hi, I just got in and heard your voice on the machine."
"It took me a few days to track you down," Diane said. "I've been thinking about you ever since that book came out. I wanted to tell you I think it's appalling what's been written about you."
Natalie was touched by her words. Diane had served as their sorority adviser and pledge confidante, and it was nice to know that she didn't believe the rumors in the book.
Natalie took a seat on the couch. "Thanks. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that."
"I know how close you were to Emily. This must be very painful for you."
"It is."
Diane paused for a moment. "Jessica Holbrook works here in my office now. She's the new adviser to the Gamma Delts. She has a different opinion than I do. I felt I should warn you, Natalie, that some of the girls think you did have something to do with Emily's fall."
Natalie sighed. Even though she'd already known that, it was tough to hear again. "I understand, but I'm not guilty."
"I know that. Emily was such a sweet girl, and you were best friends. I was talking to Connie Richmond yesterday," Diane added, referring to Natalie's sorority housemother, "and she and I would love to help you if we can. Is there anything we can do?"
"Not at the moment. Unless you know who the author of the book is."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think Garrett Malone is the author's real name.