All the King's Men - Robert Penn Warren [155]
“He’s awful busy,” I objected lamely.
“Busy,” she echoed, “busy–yes, he’s busy. Ever since he was in medical school, he has worked like a slave. There’s just something driving him–driving him. It’s not money and it’s not reputation and it’s not–I just don’t know what–” Her voice drifted off.
“It is very simple,” I said. “He wants to do good.”
“Good,” she echoed. Then, “I used to think so–oh, he does good–but–”
“But what?”
“Oh, I don’t know–and I shouldn’t say it–I shouldn’t–but I almost think that the work–even the doing good–everything is just a way to cut himself off. Even from me–even me–”
Then she said, “Oh, Jack, we had an awful row. It was awful. I went home and cried all night. You know how we’ve always been. And to have a terrible row. You know how we’ve been? You know?” She insisted, and clutched my arm, as though to make me agree, to make me tell her how they had been.
“Yes,” I said, “I know.” I looked at her and was afraid for a second she was going to cry again, but she didn’t, and I should have known it, for she was the kind that did her crying on the midnight pillow. If she did any.
“I told him,” she was saying, “I told him that if he wanted to do any good–really do any good–here was the time. And the way. To see that the Medical Center was run right. And even expanded. And all that. But he just froze up and said he wouldn’t touch the thing. And I accused him of being selfish–of being selfish and proud–of putting his pride before everything. Before doing good–before his duty. Then he just glared at me, and grabbed me by the wrist and said I couldn‘t understand anything, that a man owed himself something. I said it was his pride, just his pride, and he said he was proud not to touch filth, and if I wanted him to do that I could just–” She stopped, took a breath and, I guessed, a new grip on her nerve to say what she was about to say. “Well, what he was going to say was that I could get out. But he didn’t say it. I’m glad–” she paused again–“I’m glad he didn’t say it. At least, he didn’t say it.”
“He didn’t mean it,” I said.
“I don’t know–I don’t know. If you had seen his eyes blazing and his face all white and drawn. Oh, Jack–” she grabbed my arm again, and shook me as though I were holding back an answer–“why won’t he do it? Why is he this way? Doesn’t he see he ought to? That he’s the man and he’s got to? Why, Jack? Why?”
“To be perfectly brutal,” I said, “it is because he is Adam Stanton, the son of Governor Stanton and grandson of Judge Peyton Stanton, and the great-grandson of General Morgan Stanton, and he has lived all his life in the idea that there was a time a long time back when everything was run by high-minded, handsome men wearing knee breeches and silver buckles or Continental blue or frock coats, or even buckskin and coonskin caps, as the case may be–for Adam Stanton isn’t any snob–who sat around a table and candidly debated the good of the public thing. It is because he is a romantic, and he has a picture of the world in his head, and when the world doesn’t conform in any respect to the picture, he wants to throw the world away. Even if that means throwing out the baby with the bath. Which,” I added, “it always does mean.”
That held her for a moment. She turned her face from me and looked out over the misty river again. The she murmured, “He ought to take it.”
“Well,” I said, “if you want him to do it, you’ve got to change the picture of the world inside his head. If I know Adam Stanton.” And I did know Adam Stanton, and at that moment I could see his face with the skin drawn back tight over the bone and the strong mouth like the neatly healed wound and the deep-set blue eyes blazing like pale ice.
She hadn’t answered me.
“That’s the only way,” I said, “and you might as well settle for that.”
“He ought to do it,” she whispered,