Almost Perfect - Brian Katcher [34]
“Strange? Hell, yes!”
I tasted bile. “What do you mean?”
“She likes you, Logan. That’s pretty weird.”
My stomach unknotted. “Yeah.”
Jack retrieved his aircraft. “So what’s up with you guys?”
“Nothing,” I said bluntly.
“You sure?” asked Jack, missing the warning in my voice. “I mean, I know she wouldn’t let you feel her up in public, but I thought you might be friends with privileges or something.”
“Shut up, Jack!”
He prepared for another launch. “Don’t try to tell me you’re not hot for her. Nothing wrong with that. She’s got that jungle woman thing going on. Maybe she’ll drag you by your hair—”
I grabbed Jack roughly by the arm, causing him to drop his airplane. “I said shut up!”
My friend looked stunned for a moment. Then his eyes narrowed and, for one of the few times since I’d met him, I saw a look of true anger on his face.
“Get your hands off me.”
I realized I was crushing his toothpick arm in my hand. I let go. Across the commons, Mr. Bloch was trying to decide if he needed to intervene.
Jack stared me down. “Logan, I don’t know what the hell is going on with you. But I am not your personal punching bag. Understand?”
I looked at my shoes. Two months ago, when Jack had told me Brenda was cheating on me and I’d hit him, he had let it pass. I had never apologized, and he had never brought it up. He knew I was hurting. But you could only push your friends so far.
“Jack, I …”
He was already gone.
The weight bench had been a gift for my fifteenth birthday. Mom had gotten it at Goodwill or a garage sale or something. I’d set it up in our old shed, and I got quite a bit of use out of it.
I’d been staring up at the metal bar for almost two hours, since I got home from school. I hadn’t even stopped at the trailer. Mom had left for work a few minutes before, probably wondering where I was.
I lay there, counting the mud dauber nests on the ceiling, reflecting that my life was in the toilet. Jack and Tim thought Sage and I were dating. Before New Year’s, I would have gladly fueled that rumor. Now what? If I acted like I was mad at Sage, people would think we were having a lovers’ quarrel. And if I acted like nothing was wrong, they’d still think we were a couple.
And all this is Brenda’s fault! If she had just broken up with me before she cheated, maybe I would have gotten over her more quickly. And asked Tanya out when she still liked me. Or maybe Brenda and I could have worked things out if she’d tried to talk to me. And we’d still be together.
But no. She had cheated on me at exactly the right time for me to fall for Sage. To fall for a boy. I’d spent over a month trying to get another guy to go out with me.
I could make all the excuses in the world. I could tell myself Sage had lied to me, that anyone would have been fooled, and it didn’t count.
But when it comes down to it, you kissed a man. And really enjoyed it. And that makes you …
“I’m not gay!”
Maybe not, Logan. But you liked kissing Sage. You wanted to do more.
“I didn’t know she was a guy!”
So? You thought Sage would be your girlfriend if you were patient enough. You could have gone out with a real girl, but you were holding out for Sage. You were going to take him to prom.
I leapt to my feet. “She tricked me!”
You wanted to screw him. Don’t deny it.
“I DIDN’T KNOW! IT DOESN’T COUNT!”
Logan’s a queer! Logan’s a fag!
“I didn’t know!” Suddenly, to my horror, I realized this dialogue wasn’t going on in my head. I’d been screaming out loud. Terrified, I looked out the door of the shed. Our yard and the road in front of it were deserted.
I returned to my weight bench and began hefting the barbell.
I thought Brenda was the one. But she wasn’t.
Sweat rolled down my face, into my ears.
I thought Sage would help me forget her. But she was a liar, too.
A lone June bug, still alive in spite of the frost, buzzed around the roof.
All I ever wanted was for a girl to like me. I got so excited when Brenda liked me, I never noticed she was having second thoughts. And I was so into Sage, I just assumed things would work out. That