Almost Perfect - Brian Katcher [46]
We stopped at the corner to let some traffic pass. “Well, if I ever do forget, I know you’ll remind me.” Her voice was just slightly hostile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The light changed and Sage hurried across. I ran to follow her. “Sage?” I called angrily. “What did you mean by that?”
We were on the Mizzou campus now. She stopped in front of the empty journalism building. “What do you think it means? When you called me, I thought we could put what happened behind us. Thought we could really be friends. But I can tell this still bothers you. And I can’t guarantee that this is the last time I get put in an awkward position. In fact, I know it won’t be the last time. So let me drive you home, and that’s it. I’d like it if we could be friends, but we just make each other too uncomfortable.”
“Look who’s talking! I’m not the one who was dishonest. I’m not a …”
Sage was standing in the shadows, and I couldn’t see her face. The restrained fury in her voice was unmistakable. “Not a what, Logan?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “A … you know …”
Sage swiveled on her heel until her back was facing me. “I know exactly what you’d call it. I changed my mind. Have Tim drive you back.” She passed under the journalism arch and onto the college quad.
Shit. This wasn’t exactly the let’s show Sage what a wonderful, nonjudgmental guy Logan is evening I had in mind. I wanted to try to get back to normal with Sage, and instead I’d insulted her. I ran after her.
“Hey, wait!” She didn’t stop. I don’t think she knew where she was going, just as long as it was away from me. I could have easily caught her, but I didn’t think chasing her down in the dark would be the best idea.
“Sage! Please!”
She froze but didn’t turn. Slowly, I approached her. “We could talk,” I suggested lamely.
She turned to me. “You don’t have to act like you want to know, Logan. You want forgiveness, fine, you’re forgiven. There. Stop feeling guilty. Go away.” She was trying to be angry, but even in the shadows, I could see the look on her face. The last thing she wanted was for me to leave.
“Sage, I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m not freaked out by your … lifestyle. Because I am. I thought I could forget about it, but seeing you tonight, it’s all I can think about. I guess that means I’m a horrible person. Or perfectly normal, I don’t know. But if we just sat and talked for a while, maybe you could help me kind of understand.” I wished there was a teleprompter behind Sage’s head with much more articulate words.
“Is that what you really want?” The anger in her voice was forced.
“I want to be your friend.” I wasn’t sure if that was the truth. The thought of what Sage was doing still made me squirm. But at least Sage couldn’t say I wasn’t trying to make sense of her. For some reason, I had to let Sage and, more importantly, myself, know that I was trying.
In the center of the quad stood six huge limestone columns, remains of a building that had burned down a hundred years ago. Floodlights illuminated the concrete bases. Wordlessly, we each jumped onto a block opposite each other.
Sage smiled a weary smile, and again I checked her face for masculine characteristics. But there was no five o’clock shadow, no Adam’s apple, nothing that would clue anyone in to her real sex.
“So where should I start?” she asked.
“Whatever’s on your mind.”
The quad was empty and silent. Across from us, the domed administration building was lit up like a jewel. We sat quietly as Sage composed her thoughts.
“I’m not going to tell you the psychology behind what I’m doing. But I want you to know, I can’t live any other way. It’s just not possible. And you’re the only one I ever voluntarily told my secret.”
“I’m sorry …” I started to apologize for my reactions.
“It’s not that. I expected it. And you reacted more calmly than my parents. They pulled me out of school when I was thirteen. Said it was for my safety. But that’s not the real reason. They were ashamed of me. For almost four years they kept me in our house in Joplin. I mean, I’d go out, but only after we got in