Alphabet Weekends - Elizabeth Noble [105]
Patrick felt stupid. A woman might have wondered, who else knew? How long had it been going on? Maybe some men would too. He didn’t, although on some level he knew that that ugly, destructive curiosity would come. He wasn’t angry, tonight, although that would probably come as well and, in a way, he would welcome it. Lucy probably would too. She would want him to rant and rave and call her names. There would have to be something catastrophic, apocaly ptic. Otherwise there would be nothing for them to move past, get over. He didn’t know if he could get over this.
Patrick and Tom
Tom had rung, asked him out for a beer. He said there was something he needed to talk to him about. They met after work at a pub they both liked, with tables leading down to a stream. It had always made Patrick feel like he was in an episode of Inspector Morse. It was still warm.
Tom lifted his glass. ‘Well done, bro. The jungle drums have done their thing – I heard about the job. Congrats. Is it what you wanted?’
Tom was the first person to ask him that. Was it what he wanted? As if that had anything to do with it. It hadn’t been about that. It was about getting a job, having one, so that no one had to talk to him or about him not having one. It was about paying the mortgage and filling the car with petrol and buying endless pairs of shoes. About holidays and new tiles for the kitchen and a pension that would keep him and Lucy in their dotage.
‘It’s what was needed,’ he replied. ‘It’ll keep Mum off my back, at least.’
Tom grinned. ‘No, it won’t.’
Patrick smiled in acknowledgement of that truth. ‘And how’s the business?’
‘Good. Very good, in fact. I think it’s going to pay off, taking the risk. Rob pulls in the clients, that’s for sure. He’s good.’
They both drank again, and nodded. Like men do.
A table of young people was congregating nearer the water. People kept arriving in couples and threesomes, greeted by peals of laughter and offers of drinks.
Patrick felt old. ‘What did you want to talk to me about?’
‘I think Natalie’s sleeping with Simon again.’
‘You think she is?’
‘I’m pretty sure. I saw them together at her place late at night…’
‘You were following them?’
‘No!’ Tom was indignant. ‘I was stopping by with something. I wouldn’t do that!’
‘Sorry… so, does she know that you know?’
‘Yeah. Told her the other night.’
‘And? What does she say about it?’
‘I didn’t give her the chance to say anything, really. I stormed off.’
‘What did you expect to achieve, doing that?’
‘I didn’t set out intending to storm off, did I? I was afraid of what she might say. That she might tell me it was all back on again.’
‘But you’ve no idea.’
‘S’pose not.’
‘I didn’t know things had got going between you two.’
‘They haven’t, not really. I thought we were getting somewhere.’
‘But nothing’s happened.’
‘No.’
‘But… you want it to.’
Tom sighed. ‘God, yes.’
They sat in silence for a minute or two. ‘I love her, man. This is it, I think. I really love her.’
Patrick didn’t have anything inside him to give to his brother.
‘I mean, I’ve always loved her, we’ve been best mates for years. When I started this thing, I thought that maybe, maybe there was something else – the germ of something else that could happen between us. But I don’t think I was entirely serious. It was speculative, you know. But, bloody hell, it’s bitten me in the arse. And now I love her. I think about her all the time. When I’m not with her, I’m just waiting for the next time I can be, and when I am, I’m just really happy. She’s funny, and smart, and… gorgeous. I love her. Never felt like this before. Want-to-marry-her-and-be-with-her-all-the-rest-of-my-life kind of love her.’
Patrick had never heard Tom talk like that before.
‘And now this bastard’s come back. He had fucking years to work out what he had, and he dumped her, and now he’s come back for her. She’s loved him all that time. She thought the two of them were going to end up together. That’s what she wanted. How can I compete