Alphabet Weekends - Elizabeth Noble [107]
‘When this game started, I didn’t know where it was going. I genuinely wanted to make you feel better, and I knew I could. I thought that you were wrong when you said that there could never be anything between us, but I don’t think, back then, that I was particularly serious either way. Maybe I saw it as a challenge. See if I could get you to fall for me… I don’t know. It was all a bit of a joke, wasn’t it?’
Natalie nodded.
‘But the joke, I find, is on me. Because I’ve fallen for you. I’ve known you for more than half of my life, and in the last few months I’ve come to see you in a completely new way, that I don’t think I ever expected. I knew you well in so many ways, but I’ve seen things lately I never did before.’
Natalie started to say something, but Tom was determined now. ‘Let me finish. It’s the most overused expression in the English language, I know, but I’m reasonably sure that I love you, Natalie.’
‘Tom.’
‘And I know most people say that expecting to have it reciprocated, right then, but not me. I just needed you to know while you decided what to do.’
‘Tom.’
Again, he stopped her. ‘Hang on, can’t you? I’m not sure I’ve finished. Give me a moment.’
Natalie sat still.
‘I mean, I think I’ve finished. Don’t want to over-egg it. And I don’t want to sound like some sap, by the way. It’s not like I’m breaking my heart. I could still get over it, Nat. It’s a new love. Surface wound, not a disembowelment. I just think it could get worse, if I let it carry on. I suppose I’m saying that we’d better not carry on playing if you’re going back to Simon.’
‘I’m not going back to Simon.’
‘You’re not?’
‘I’m absolutely, totally, utterly not going back to Simon.’
Tom took a deep breath, but before Natalie could say anything else, he was talking again: ‘Okay. Well, that’s that, then. I’m glad – I gotta tell you that if you aren’t going to end up with me, he’s the last other man on the planet I would choose for you to be with.’ Him and everyone else. ‘But I’m not stupid enough to jump to the conclusion that you not being with Simon means you’ll definitely be with me. Quantum leap. I know that. So go away, and think about what I’ve said, and let’s just see, hey?’
‘Okay.’ Natalie nodded. ‘Thanks for clarifying things, Tom.’ She was smiling, but Tom found it hard to read.
‘And if you want to shoot for U, let me know in a bit, or something… Just let’s not go for U if you’re already a hundred per cent certain this can’t go anywhere. Let’s not do that to my heart, hey? Okay?’
Now that he’d made his grand speech, Tom was floundering. He felt a bit of an idiot. They sat there for a moment.
‘So… go away!’
‘Oh.’ She sounded shocked. ‘You mean go now?’
Now Tom’s face broke into a smile. ‘Yes, go now. Before I feel any more stupid.’
Natalie stood up.
‘And I’m glad about Simon. Dickhead.’
‘Me too.’
When she got to the door and opened it, she turned back. ‘Tom? Let’s go for U.’ And then she was gone.
And, for now, it was enough for him. He pushed the insistent thought that maybe he was just like Patrick – a fool, prepared to settle for something unacceptable – firmly to the back of his mind. Natalie wasn’t Lucy. And he wasn’t wrong about this. The longer it went on, the more certain he became. It had been hard, the Simon business, and he hadn’t liked how he had felt, but maybe, in fact, it was good.
Nicholas
‘Hello, Dad. How are you?’
Nicholas grunted.
‘I’ll take that as a “Fine, thank you”, shall I?’ Natalie kissed his cheek, and they both smiled.
Nicholas felt the relief of Natalie’s presence. Susannah didn’t come much and he didn’t mind – she was busy, and he understood. Bridget always cried. Natalie, his Natalie, always laughed at him. It would be with him, if he knew how