Alphabet Weekends - Elizabeth Noble [110]
‘Have you got any of your happy pills left?’ Anna couldn’t have said that, even a few weeks ago, Natalie thought. ‘I could do with some of what you’ve got.’
‘I stopped taking them a while back. I was lucky there, too. Your dad got me to the doctor nice and early. I think we caught it. I know it doesn’t work that way for some people. It was like… the pills made everything recede a bit… like my brain was wrapped in cotton wool for a while. They gave my mind a rest. That’s the best way I can describe it to you. You know how you struggled with your maths when you were little? Long division? Something hard? You know how you’d sit there, with your books in front of you, getting more and more frustrated and confused and angry? Do you remember we’d stop for a while, and go and do something else – take the dog for a walk, or play a game of Mousetrap or something – and when you came back to it, it was suddenly much easier?’
‘Vaguely.’
‘Well, taking the pills was like that for me. Life unravelled itself, and when I came off them, it all seemed different again. Definable. Understandable. And nowhere near so bleak. Does that make sense?’
‘Kind of.’
‘And I don’t want to go on about it, but I’m sorry I wasn’t really around for you. I feel bad about that. About not being who you needed me to be when you were going through the mill with Simon. Or enjoying time with your dad. Or helping Bridget when Toby came. I regret all of it.’
‘Mum, I might not completely understand it, but you’ve put us first for so much of your life. You shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.’
‘I’m not. In a funny way, being aware of all the things I missed out on was a part of feeling better. I have a life. I just wanted you to know.’
‘I love you, Mum.’
‘And I love you too. Now, back to Tom. I’m firing on all cylinders again. Close your eyes and imagine a future without him in it, and tell me how it feels.’
It was Natalie’s turn to laugh. ‘That’s unimaginable, I’m afraid. He’s always been there. Couldn’t happen.’
‘Of course it could, you silly girl.’ Now she sounded like the old Mum – and Natalie was glad. ‘What do you think a wife might make of you hanging around?’
‘He doesn’t have a wife.’
‘He will, one day. And make no mistake. She’ll make him choose.’
‘Isn’t that a terribly old-fashioned way of looking at it? Modern lives don’t work like that. He can have a wife and a best friend who’s a woman, can’t he?’
‘Not one he was in love with once, he can’t. Not unless modern life, as you call it, has completely altered human nature. And I don’t think for one minute that it has. He’ll have to choose, and he won’t choose you… You should think about that, maybe…’
She did – all night.
U for Urgh
‘Obviously, pot-holing was my first thought, but you didn’t leave me much time to plan it.’
‘So, U is for…’
‘Urgh? I couldn’t find anywhere round here that did it, and I don’t want to schlep half-way around the country.’
‘Is that the best you can do?’
‘Sorry. Had a lot on my mind lately.’
He nudged her shoulder. ‘I know.’
‘And I did think about it… honestly. I thought Under Water. Scuba-diving or something, but the budget, as usual, is limited, and it was Scapa Flow or the local baths, and, besides, you can already do it, and that would be about the tenth thing in a row that you were better at than me and my fragile ego just can’t take it.’
‘Aah!’
‘And then I thought of Underwear. I put all my white pants in the wash with a black sweater last week, and they’ve gone battleship grey. But that didn’t seem quite the thing…’
‘Maybe not. Although I read a survey the other day that said most men, when the chips are down, would prefer a nice pair of white cotton panties to anything else