Always - Iris Johansen [34]
“No.” She nestled her cheek closer. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”
“Tommy?”
“Yes.” Incredibly, after all these years, she did want to talk about Tommy. It was as if a festering sore had been lanced and must now be purged.
“Then tell me.” His arms tightened lovingly about her. “Tell me all about Tommy. Make me know him, Lisa.”
And she did. Once she started, the words refused to stop. She lay there in his arms, her voice almost dreamlike as she rebuilt a world that she’d thought she had lost forever. It was not without pain. The tears flowed and ceased and flowed again as hours passed and pictures of the past flickered, became real, and then faded once again.
Clancy was silent, listening, and only his hand moved as he gently stroked her temple.
Finally the words ceased and Lisa was also silent. She lay curled against him like a weary child, drained, empty, but curiously at peace. She didn’t know if it was fifteen minutes or an hour later when she broke that silence by whispering, “Thank you.”
His arms tightened around her. “Don’t thank me. Tommy is a part of you, and you shared him with me. You were the one giving gifts.” He paused. “Is it better now?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” Another silence. “There isn’t any way I can justify what happened to Tommy. I don’t intend to, acushla. I can only share something I’ve learned over the years.” His voice was unsteady. “I’ve lost quite a few people I’ve cared about. I’ve led a violent life, and I suppose it was inevitable. It never makes any sense, but it happens. When someone is taken from me, I try to use that grief.”
“Use it?”
He nodded. “After I’ve accepted it, I try to channel all the memories and the love and let it flow to someone else. I guess it sounds a little strange, but I feel if I give enough of myself, enough of what I’ve been given by the one I’ve lost, somehow some part of that person will still survive. I don’t have any real family anymore, but I have my friends in Sedikhan. Every time something happens, I give them more love, more protection, more caring.” He grimaced. “By this time, all of them should be pretty well weighed down with it. Sort of weird, huh?”
“No, not weird at all,” she whispered. “Beautiful.”
“Well, it helps me, anyway. You might try it.” He dropped a feather-light kiss on the top of her head. “Now I think I’d better let you get some sleep. You’re exhausted.” He stood up with her still in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He didn’t bother to try to undress her, but settled her on the pillows and pulled the sheet over her.
“You’re leaving?” She didn’t want him to go. Something had happened in this room tonight. Intimacy had been established; bonds had been forged. In a strange way, she felt that if she had given him Tommy, she had also given a portion of herself. As for what he had given her … it could never be measured.
Clancy shook his head. “I’ll stay right here.” He turned out the lamp, then lay down on the bed beside her and took her in his arms. “I don’t think the dreams will come, but I’ll be right here to stop them if they do.”
She didn’t think they would come, either. He had given her so much; she should really send him away. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be all right now.”
His lips brushed the delicate skin at her temple. “Go to sleep,” he said. “I want to stay.”
She sighed contentedly and nestled against his hard strength. So hard, so strong, yet with a core of sensitivity and simple beauty that had shaken her profoundly. She was too tired to think of his words right now, but she knew she would soon and that they would bring her comfort. Giving. That’s what he had said. Memories that constantly enriched, giving love and beauty to someone else, forming a chain that would last forever.…
Lisa’s breathing grew deep and even. She lay curved against him with the confiding trust of a little child. Thank heaven she’d fallen asleep