Always - Iris Johansen [52]
“The doctor said that milk would—”
“Oh, all right.” Lisa jammed the hat on her head, then reached for the milk and drank it down chug-a-lug. Then she put the glass back on the tray. “Satisfied?”
Marna nodded. “You shouldn’t be so cross. It’s bad—”
“For the baby,” Lisa finished wearily. “I know, Marna.” She was usually more tolerant of this incessant hovering, but her nerves were on edge today. She wasn’t used to Clancy being away. In the last four and a half months he hadn’t stirred from the castle for more than a half day’s trip to Marasef.
When Alex had called Clancy yesterday morning and summoned him to the capital, she had been as disappointed as if Clancy were going away for a month instead of only one night. That was one of the reasons she’d come up here on the battlements to sunbathe. She could see everything for miles around from this falcon’s perch, and she would be sure to spot Clancy’s helicopter as soon as it came over the horizon.
She supposed it was childish to be so eager. Martin had gone away for months at a time and she’d never felt this sense of loss. But then she’d never really been in love before. Sometimes it was so strong that she couldn’t believe it. Now it appeared impossible that she had been afraid her love for Clancy might not last. The tenderness and passion she felt for him now dwarfed the emotion she had known the night she’d made her decision.
She didn’t know why she hadn’t told him how much he meant to her. No, that wasn’t true; she mustn’t be dishonest with herself. She did know: she was terribly frightened. She loved him as much as she had Tommy, and Tommy had been taken from her. Every time she thought about the same thing happening to Clancy, the panic rose to terrifying proportions. She had an irrational feeling that if she didn’t say the words, it would keep him safe. What the gods didn’t know, they couldn’t destroy. Each time she would try to tell Clancy, the panic would rise until it overwhelmed her. Heavens, she was becoming as superstitious as Marna. She would tell Clancy soon how she felt. Surely that stupid fear would disappear when she had had time to get accustomed to loving him so much.
Lisa smiled. “I’m sorry, Marna. You’re right. I’m being a shrew. It’s just that I wanted to go with Mr. Donahue.” She held up her hand as Marna pursed her lips. “I know what the doctor said about being careful for the next month or so. I don’t know why I’m having trouble with this pregnancy. My first one was as smooth as silk.”
“You are older now.”
She made a face. “Thanks a lot.” It was true giving birth had a tendency to be a little more difficult at her age. Yet it had surprised as well as frightened her when she had almost lost the baby in the second month. She didn’t feel any older than when she carried Tommy. She felt younger and vibrantly, wonderfully alive.
“Mr. Donahue was right. It was best you stay here and rest.” Marna frowned. “Though climbing up all these steps to the battlements is not rest, either.”
“I’m very careful and take my time. I wouldn’t do anything to risk the baby.” Her hand unconsciously went to her belly. She was carrying the child squarely in the front, as she had with Tommy, and was going to be just as large. She had been feeling terribly unattractive lately, and that might have contributed to her depression when Clancy had flown into Marasef without her.
At the palace Clancy would probably run into any number of beautiful, slim women, she thought gloomily. When he came back he would probably take one look at her and make an excuse to return. Most men had a chance to appreciate their women’s trim figures for some time before this change came about. She had cheated Clancy by blowing up like a balloon only a few months after he had set eyes on her. He’d never said a word about her increasing bulk, but that didn