Always - Iris Johansen [63]
“It’s so lovely out here. I thought I’d wait for you by the fountain. This garden reminds me a little of the courtyard at Paradise Cay, but it’s much lovelier.”
“David Bradford designed this garden. He asked me what flowers I wanted planted here and I told him anything serene and beautiful.” Clancy half sat, half leaned on the rim of the fountain, facing the bench where she sat. He had discarded his jacket and tie, and his white shirt was unbuttoned at the collar. “There’s nothing either beautiful or serene in my line of work, and I decided they’d be very soothing.” He smiled. “When I first saw you I thought of a camellia and wondered how you’d look here in my garden.”
“Camellias are very fragile,” Lisa said huskily. “And I’m not, Clancy. Not anymore. You’ve made me strong.”
“You don’t look very strong. That white gown makes you look like a Juliet.” Suddenly he grinned. “I see Kira prevailed. Long live the Renaissance.”
Lisa smiled ruefully. “Don’t laugh. You may get very tired of this style. Somehow I found myself buying everything Kira suggested. She said the clothes made me look romantic, and I fell for it like a ton of bricks.” She met his eyes. “Because I feel romantic, Clancy. Wonderfully, wildly, gloriously romantic.”
He grew very still. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
She took a deep breath. Say the words, she told herself. “I’m trying to tell you that I love you.” There, the words were out and lightning hadn’t struck. Clancy was still sitting there looking at her.
His smile was gentle and a little sad. “I know that, Lisa. I know you feel something for me or you would never marry me, no matter how grateful you are. I saw how upset you were when Baldwin was taking those little jabs at me, but you didn’t have to do this. What I told Baldwin was true. I’ve accepted the fact that you can’t love me as I love you. It doesn’t matter to me.”
Struck speechless for a moment, she stared at him. Then she burst out, “The hell it doesn’t!” She jumped to her feet, her eyes blazing. “I know damn well it means a hell of a lot to you, just as it would to me if I didn’t believe you loved me. Yet you’re sitting there looking at me as if I were a half-wit child who’s not responsible for her own actions.”
“Lisa …” Clancy stood up, a startled expression on his face. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know exactly what you meant to do. Protect Lisa. Care for Lisa. Love Lisa. Well, isn’t it time Lisa gave some of that back?” She took a step nearer, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “I am not a camellia. I am not a princess in a tower. I am not an emotional cripple incapable of love. I’m a person of reasonable intelligence and immense emotional potential. And all of that emotional potential has been tapped by you, Clancy Donahue. I love you. And it’s not the puny, insipid affection which is the only thing you seem to believe I’m capable of. It’s big and it’s deep enough to fill my entire life.” She drew a quivering breath. “And so strong that it scares me silly when I think of you crossing a street or when I see you fly away in the helicopter or just run down a flight of stairs.” Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Because I survived what happened to Tommy, but I’m not at all sure I could live without you, Clancy.”
He shut his eyes, his body tense. “For God’s sake, don’t tell me that if you don’t mean it, Lisa. I’ve grown accustomed to the idea that you could never give me—”
Her hands went to his shoulders and she gave him a little shake that was far from gentle. “Open your eyes and look at me, dammit. What does it take to get through to you?”
Obediently he opened his eyes and she saw a glimmering of radiance in their depths. “I think you’re beginning to succeed.” His chuckle was a little husky. “Maybe if you tried a karate chop or two.” He picked her up and swung her in a wild, boisterous circle with a joyous laugh. “You mean it? Oh, God, you really mean it?”
“I don’t know karate.” She was laughing, too, her eyes alight with the same joy. “But I could learn.