American Medical Association Family Medical Guide - American Medical Association [236]
If your child is being bullied:
• Believe your child. Reassure your child and make sure he or she knows that you care. Listen to what he or she has to say, and ask questions so you can get a clear understanding of the situation.
• Get help. Talk to your child’s teacher and the school principal, and ask them to investigate the situation. They may be able to reduce the incidence of bullying by increasing supervision in areas where it is most likely to occur, including hallways, bathrooms, locker rooms, playgrounds, and school buses.
• Encourage your child to be assertive. Tell your child to get immediate help from an adult when he or she is confronted by a bully. Help your child gain self-confidence by getting him or her involved in an activity he or she enjoys and is good at, such as sports or playing a musical instrument. Children who appear self-confident are less likely to become victims of bullies.
• Make sure your child has a friend. Children who are isolated are more likely to be victims of bullying. Encourage your child to invite a classmate home to play or study, and talk to your child’s teacher about intervening to find a classmate to be your child’s buddy.
If your child is a bully:
• Get help at school. Talk to your child’s teacher, the school principal, or a school counselor; ask them to monitor your child’s behavior at school and let you know right away about any problems.
• Seek professional help for your child. If your child’s aggressive behavior does not stop, talk to your child’s doctor, who can recommend a mental health professional to help your child learn positive ways of dealing with his or her negative feelings and behavior. Ask your child’s teacher if the school has a social worker available who can work with your child.
• Consider your own attitude toward bullying.
Do you think it is an inevitable part of growing up? If so, you could be unknowingly sending the message to your child that bullying is acceptable. Make sure your child knows you disapprove of bullying and will not tolerate it.
Dating Violence
One in five high school girls has been physically abused or forced to have sex on a date. The abuse can also take the form of emotional mistreatment, which is less likely to be detected by parents or friends. Girls may not report the abuse because, like many women who are victims of domestic violence (see page 79), they may feel they deserve it, they don’t want to give up the relationship, they are ashamed, or they are afraid of making their boyfriend angry. Some girls may feel that abuse is part of a normal relationship (especially if they see it at home), or that jealous outbursts or attempts to control their behavior or appearance prove that their boyfriend cares about them.
Girls who are in abusive relationships are at risk of having eating disorders (see page 724), abusing alcohol or other drugs, or engaging in risky sexual activities such as early intercourse or having sex with multiple partners. In addition, their risk of suicide is high.
Boys who abuse their dates may have been physically or verbally abused at home or have parents who are involved in an abusive relationship. These boys believe they have to use violence to control their girlfriend. Boys frequently are not held accountable for the violence because young women seldom report the abuse.
Helping teens (both boys and girls) understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships can help prevent dating violence. If a girl is in an abusive relationship, she should confide in someone she trusts. With the help of parents and friends, she should be encouraged to end the relationship, report the assault, and receive counseling by a mental health professional who can help her learn to avoid abusive relationships in the future.
Acquaintance Rape
Acquaintance rape, or date rape, accounts for 60 percent of all rapes. These sexual assaults occur not only on dates but also at parties and in college dormitories and are usually