American Outlaw - Jesse James [111]
Sandy said nothing. She just watched me.
“I grew up scared shitless of my dad,” I continued. “He punched me and blacked my eye. When I was fifteen years old, he accused me of burning down our house and I got into such a big fight with him that we would literally have killed each other if we hadn’t been pulled apart.”
“Oh, Jesse.” Tears were starting to well up in Sandy’s eyes. “I had no idea.”
I was starting to cry, too. “When I was six, I was so afraid of him,” I said, my voice cracking. “He was yelling at me and I ran away from him into the pitch-black night. I’ve never been so scared. I don’t know why anyone would do that to a kid. You know?”
“Jesse, you don’t have to . . . What happened?” Sandy asked softly.
“I tripped over a low fence. And I broke my arm.”
Sandy rose and slowly walked over to me. She embraced me in her arms, and rocked me, saying nothing.
“He laughed at me,” I choked, bitterly. “He heard me crying, wailing with pain, and he just laughed. ‘Why’d you trip, dummy?’ I thought he was going to kill me. But he just stood over me and he laughed.”
It was a secret I’d been carrying with me for thirty years. I wept, ashamed. I sobbed like a kid, crying into her shoulder.
——
By the summer of 2005, Sandy and I had been dating for almost six months. She was still caught up in the lawsuit surrounding her disappointing house in Austin. She was emotionally wrapped up in the case, and it was stressing her out pretty badly.
“Hey,” I said to her, “I’d like to talk to you. Do you have a second?”
We’d been getting along great. But I honestly wasn’t sure how she’d react to what I had in store for her.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Well, I . . . I just wanted to . . . I wanted to know if you’d marry me.”
She looked at me, amazed. “Are you . . . serious?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m serious. I want you to marry me.”
I had promised myself I would never get married again. But that was before I’d met Sandy. She had turned my plan upside down. She was such an impressive person from every angle—calm, stable, intelligent, beautiful, fun, articulate, compassionate. I almost couldn’t believe that one person had so many great attributes, and even more, that this person found me compelling enough to keep around. I guess part of me looked at her and clearly envisioned just how much better she could make my life.
“Oh my God,” she said. “I . . . wow. This is a surprise.” Sandy looked like she was trying to catch her breath. “Yes.”
“Yes, as in, you’ll marry me?” I asked, nervously.
“Yes, as in yes!” She laughed. “Yes, I will marry you. I love you.”
I exhaled, relieved. “Oh, man. Thank God.” I laughed. “I mean . . . I love you, too.”
We didn’t even tell Sandy’s closest friends that we were getting hitched. Instead, we pretended we were throwing her a big birthday bash. We treated it like a full-on military operation, with vows of total secrecy. It just felt more special that way. Because Sandy was so well known, news of her engagement would have gone public in mere seconds. We didn’t want to share our happiness with anyone. Least of all the supermarket tabloids.
We hatched a plan to hold the ceremony at the Santa Ynez Ranch, near Santa Barbara. Together, late at night, we dreamed up intricate strategies and complicated deceptions, winking at each other, excited and proud that we were going to throw a secret, million-dollar wedding. For me, it was like getting paired up to do a project with the prettiest, most popular girl in school. I had never felt so lucky in my whole life.
Finally the day came. I found myself face-to-face with the most gorgeous woman in the world, surrounded by loving friends of hers and mine. This time, the video cameras were conspicuously absent. So was my father. I felt more at ease with myself, less motivated to impress anyone. With calmness and pride, I prepared to let Sandy into my life.
15
One of the biggest injustices of life? Kids don’t get to choose their stepparents. I still felt guilty about exposing Chandler and Jesse Jr. to Janine. Nevertheless, I felt confident delivering