Amglish In, Like, Ten Easy Lessons_ A Celebration of the New World Lingo - Arthur E. Rowse [77]
Among other problems that still reverberate in classrooms and books is whether to use a preposition—a word like of or for—at the end of a sentence. For centuries there was a strict prohibition against it. But the rule abruptly died when Winston Churchill became agitated enough to dismiss the problem by saying, “That’s the sort of pedantry up with which I will not put.”
Thanks to him and others, the language establishment has finally agreed—though not unanimously or openly—that such a rule is no longer necessary. The practical answer comes down to whether ending a sentence with a preposition gets the point across.
Meanwhile, similar anachronisms are disappearing in the new linguistic atmosphere.
So let the good times roll with rules and standards that are easy to live with.
LESSON TWO: BETTER TO PHONE THAN WRITE
This lesson is designed to encourage you to maximize your dependence on phones and films so you don’t have to waste time and effort reading and writing things, learning stuff, and thinking about your future. Phones and films tend to be more exciting, more interesting, and less trouble.
Long gone are the times when people sat down and wrote letters in longhand or typed them on stationery, then put them in envelopes, added stamps, and carried them to the nearest mailbox or post office. Even e-mail is going out of style. Texting and phoning are beginning to supersede e-mail for quick communication, especially for young people.
Smart phones have opened up an even larger universe that already includes more apps than anyone can handle for everything from music and news to global positioning and systems for obeying oral commands. Embedded in all the new content is a new, rapidly changing language of acronyms, numbers, emoticons, and abbreviations that can be put into code for a closed group of people.
The bottom line is phoning is faster, easier, and more in style than writing or reading. And it is an excellent way to avoid being exposed to criticism for grammar and spelling.
A mobile phone can also help improve your overall image. Having one constantly on your ear in public tends to give you the appearance of being important and urgently involved with major decisions. You, too, can acquire such an image even though you may be merely telling your live-in what to get at the grocery store, listening to music, or getting a weather report.
Remember, with mobile phones, your image and handling of them may be more important than what you say or text on them.
LESSON THREE: FUDGE THE GRAMMAR
In order to become proficient in Amglish, you need to develop a nonchalant attitude toward grammar rules and standards. If English teachers themselves cannot always follow the rules of grammar, why should you even try?
That may mean forgetting much of what you have learned—or at least been exposed to—in school or at home. Although a certain basic knowledge is necessary, as it is in any language, you don’t need to know the finer points.
Good grammar does not guarantee good communication. It can even be an impediment if it sets you apart from your peers.
Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary defines grammar as a “series of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet of the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.”
Yet computer programs keep trying to improve grammar and syntax by inserting wavy lines under words and automatically changing the spelling of words when we try to innovate. The best way to handle such intrusions is to ignore them as much as possible.
To bond with others and be well understood, it is helpful to show that you yourself are far from perfect in the use of language. One way to do so is to downplay or avoid mysterious parts of English such as