An Acquaintance with Darkness - Ann Rinaldi [3]
"I couldn't pay thirty-five dollars a month board. Mama hasn't been able to work for a while now and our money is giving out."
"Mama says not to worry about that. You know she feels responsible that my uncle Zad foreclosed on your house."
I was going to cry, I was sure of it. And then I started.
"Don't, Emily, please," he said. He pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to me. I looked at it. It was so fine.
"Annie made it for me," he said. "Last Christmas. From cloth laid away before the war. She made me seven of them. You see how she put my name on the corner? And the day of the week?"
I nodded. "This one says SUNDAY."
"Yes. You can keep it. I want you to keep it," he said.
I wiped my face with the handkerchief. Next thing I knew, Johnny had his arms around me. Like a brother would do if I had a brother. Which I didn't. He patted my shoulder and held me until I stopped. Then he reached into his pocket and took out some gold coins. "Take these," he said.
"Twenty dollars! Oh, Johnny, I couldn't! You need them."
"I have all I need. And I'll get more. Take them now, I said."
I looked at the gold coins in my hand. Where had he gotten them? Nobody I knew had so much gold to give away in Washington these days. What had he done to get them? I did not want to know. I sniffed. "Thank you."
"I've got to go now, Emily. There's things I've got to do. Pack. Exchange some gold for greenbacks. They go farther, where I'm going."
"Where are you going?" I knew I shouldn't have asked.
He smiled. "Maybe I'll write. But not right away." He opened the door and peered out into the early-morning street, looking to see who was out there. Nobody was. How different he was now, having to sneak about. How different from the Johnny I'd known in Maryland, whose father's house had eleven rooms, who rode blooded horses, whose manner and bearing were so sure and elegant.
"Johnny!" I grabbed onto his sleeve. "Take care of yourself."
He hugged me again. "We must do the best we can, Emily. We have to find our own way, all of us. And do the best we can. At whatever comes along. Doesn't matter what side we're on. It won't be easy for anybody." He released me. "Things are going to be even crazier than they have been when the war ends. You don't want to go down-country to Richmond, Emily. Stay with my mother. Promise me that, so I know you'll be all right."
I nodded and gulped my tears.
"I've made arrangements with my friend David Herold, who works at Thompson's Drug Store. Whatever you need for your mother, he'll send over. No charge."
Herold was one of his scruffy friends. Johnny had been running with a lot of scruffy friends lately. Mrs. Mary was worried about him.
Then he kissed me on the forehead and went out the door. I watched him go. He turned in the cold rain and waved, then he hunched his shoulders and walked away.
I would never see Johnny Surratt again. I just knew it, the way I know things sometimes. Didn't I know Daddy's name would be on the list of those killed in the battle of Chancellorsville?
I knew, too, that something bad was going to happen to Johnny. I shivered, closed the door, and clutched the handkerchief that said SUNDAY, and went back down the hall into the tiny kitchen to start the stove for breakfast.
2. A Star at Noon
MY MAMA HAD MOMENTS in her sickness when she rallied. Sat up, even walked around. Then she started talking. Mostly it was about Daddy.
"It was what he set out to do, get himself killed. Because he didn't want to come back and face things. Left me here to face them alone."
Or: "He failed at everything but war. Just like General Grant. No wonder he went to fight for the North. They belonged together, him and Grant." Never mind that Daddy never met Grant. That he was with General Hooker at Chancellorsville, a Union defeat.
There were days she said such mean things about Daddy that I had to make an excuse and leave the room.
Should I tell her Richmond was falling? I wondered. Her sister was there. I was confused. "Don't ever act on your thoughts if