An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser [405]
“And what did she say to that?”
“She wouldn’t do it. She said she couldn’t and wouldn’t go through with it unless I would marry her.”
“I see. Then and there?”
“Well, yes—pretty soon, anyhow. She was willing to wait a little while, but she wouldn’t go away unless I would marry her.”
“And did you tell her that you didn’t care for her any more?”
“Well, nearly—yes, sir”
“What do you mean by ‘nearly’?”
“Well, that I didn’t want to. Besides, she knew I didn’t care for her any more. She said so herself.”
“To you, at that time?”
“Yes, sir. Lots of times.”
“Well, yes, that’s true—it was in all of those letters of hers that were read here. But when she refused so flatly, what did you do then?”
“Well, I didn’t know what to do. But I thought maybe if I could get her to go up to her home for a while, while I tried and saved what I could—well … maybe … once she was up there and saw how much I didn’t want to marry her—” (Clyde paused and fumbled at his lips. This lying was hard.)
“Yes, go on. And remember, the truth, however ashamed of it you may be, is better than any lie.”
“And maybe when she was a little more frightened and not so determined—”
“Weren’t you frightened, too?”
“Yes, sir, I was.”
“Well, go on.”
“That then—well—maybe if I offered her all that I had been able to save up to then—you see I thought maybe I might be able to borrow some from some one too—that she might be willing to go away and not make me marry her—just live somewhere and let me help her.”
“I see. But she wouldn’t agree to that?”
“Well, no—not to my not marrying her, no—but to going up there for a month, yes. I couldn’t get her to say that she would let me off.”
“But did you at that or any other time before or subsequent to that say that you would come up there and marry her?”
“No, sir. I never did.”
“Just what did you say then?”
“I said that … as soon as I could get the money,” stuttered Clyde at this point, so nervous and shamed was he, “I would come for her in about a month and we could go away somewhere until— until—well, until she was out of that.”
“But you did not tell her that you would marry her?”
“No, sir. I did not.”
“But she wanted you to, of course.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Had you any notion that she could force you so to do at that time— marry her against your will, I mean?”
“No, sir, I didn’t. Not if I could help it. My plan was to wait as long as I could and save all the money I could and then when the time came just refuse and give her all the money that I had and help her all I could from then on.”
“But you know,” proceeded Jephson, most suavely and diplomatically at this point, “there are various references in these letters here which Miss Alden wrote you”—and he reached over and from the district attorney’s table picked up the original letters of Roberta and weighed them solemnly in his hand—”to a PLAN which you two had in connection with this trip—or at least that she seemed to think you had. Now, exactly what was that plan? She distinctly refers to it, if I recall aright, as ‘our plan.’”
“I know that,” replied Clyde—since for two months now he, along with Belknap and Jephson, had discussed this particular question. “But the only plan I know of”—and here he did his best to look frank and be convincing—”was the one I offered over and over.”
“And what was that?”
“Why, that she go away and take a room somewhere and let me help her and come over and see her once in a while.”
“Well, no, you’re wrong there,” returned Jephson, slyly. “That isn’t and couldn’t be the plan she had in mind. She says in one of these letters that she knows it will be hard on you to have to go away and stay so long, or until she is out of this thing, but that it can’t be helped.”
“Yes, I know,” replied Clyde, quickly and exactly as he had been told to do, “but that was her plan, not mine. She kept saying to me most of the time that that was what she wanted me to do, and that I would have to do it. She told me that over the telephone several times, and I may have said all right, all right, not meaning that I agreed with her entirely but that I wanted