An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England_ A Novel - Brock Clarke [47]
"Earlier," I said to the boys, "you said something to Mr. Frazier here."
"True," one of the boys said. They both looked exactly the same, with their faint mustaches, their flat alabaster stomachs, their nipple rings glinting and glistening in the sun.
"Well," I said, "I'd like you to apologize to him. I think he deserves an apology."
One of the boys shook his head, and said, "Fucked up." He said this without malice or slyness or any emotion at all. It was delivered as a statement of fact.
"Hey!" I said, because I couldn't take it anymore. Mr. Frazier had so much life left in him, but even if he hadn't, even when old people were taking up space and air, they'd lived through a lot and you had to give them some credit and respect. I moved toward the boys in what I hoped was a menacing fashion. When I did so, they stood up-also menacingly-and I noticed that their white socks were pulled up very high, probably to their knees (I couldn't tell exactly, because of the length of their shorts). Why pull your socks so high? There was only one reason I could think of. these were the kind of guys who might have knives in their socks, except the socks were so high they could probably have hidden a short sword in there. Me, I had no weapons anywhere. Plus, my socks were the ankle-high kind and couldn't possibly harbor anything dangerous. I backed away from the boys, palms facing out, and as I backpedaled I whispered to Mr. Frazier, "Let's get out of here."
But Mr. Frazier ignored me. He turned his head slowly and slightly to look at the boys. Even that head-turning gesture was impressive. I wondered if it occurred to the boys how inferior they were to him. It was like watching a world-weary colossus swiveling to ask the puny villagers why they were pelting him with rocks. "To what are you referring?" Mr. Frazier said to the boy who'd spoken earlier.
"It's hot and you wearing some sleigh-riding clothes, dude," the boy said, and then fanned himself with his left hand to remind us all of the heat.
"Fucked up," the other boy said.
"I see," Mr. Frazier said, and resumed his walking, beating the now rolled-up newspaper against his leg, keeping time with his outrage, which must have been huge. I fixed the boys with one last meaningful stare and then, before I could see how they'd respond, turned and ran until I caught up with Mr. Frazier.
His clothes: they were what was fucked up, and all of a sudden Mr. Frazier was hot, very hot, his face nearly as red as mine ever got. He stopped beating his leg with the paper and began using it as a fan. The fanning would do no good; I knew this from experience because we both had powerful heating mechanisms inside us, big furnaces of shame and rage somewhere down there around our hearts and livers and other inner organs, and you can't cool the inside from outside. Mr. Frazier learned this truth quickly. There was an overflowing trash can on the corner and Mr. Frazier tossed the newspaper on top of the heap and crossed against the light, daring traffic to hit him, us. But there was no traffic and we reached the other side unscathed.
He kept walking, beating his leg with his hand (I bet he already missed his newspaper). I didn't say a word; I felt bad for the old guy. He was in worse shape than before I'd arrived, I could see that, and as if to illustrate the point, he sat down right on the curb. I sat down next to him, glad for the rest. Like me, Mr. Frazier was breathing heavily, and again I feared for his heart and what I had done to it. Yes, I felt bad for him, and for myself, too, which has to be the truest kind of empathy. I wanted to help him but didn't know