And Baby Makes Two - Dyan Sheldon [23]
“An abortion?” I had to laugh. “Are you joking? I’m not having an abortion.”
Shanee blinked. “You’re not?”
“Of course I’m not.” I laughed again. “How could you think I would do something like that? This is my baby, Shanee! Mine and Les’s. I’m not going to throw it out like an empty milk carton.”
She just looked at me for a couple of minutes, as though I was Shakespeare or someone and she was trying to work out what I was really saying.
“You mean you’re going to put it up for adoption?”
Putting your baby up for adoption was what the government thought teenage mothers should do. It was also the government who told us it was all right to eat beef and then all these people started acting like mad cows. I wasn’t going to listen to the government.
I threw one of the couch cushions at her. “Now you’re winding me up.”
She held on to the cushion.
“You can’t mean you’re going to keep it,” said Shanee. She was speaking really slowly.
“Of course I’m going to keep it.”
I hadn’t planned to get pregnant because I hadn’t thought that I could. But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t the right thing to do. Really, it was the solution to all my problems. Happiness was mine.
“This is what I’ve always wanted,” I reminded her. I laughed. “Plus, having a baby beats taking my GCSEs.”
“You can’t take care of a baby, Lana!” Shanee was sitting so straight she looked like she might snap. “You’re just a kid!”
I thought about the scrapbooks in the box under my bed. There was one that was filled with nothing but pictures of babies and little children. My ideal family was two boys and two girls; one of the boys and one of the girls was dark and the other two were fair. Which one would this be?
“I am not a kid.” I got to my feet. “I’m a woman, Shanee. You may still be a kid, but I’m grown up.” I stood up tall and proud. “I’m going to be a mother.”
“You’re going to be put in care, that’s what you’re going to be.”
“Lots of girls our age have babies,” I informed her coldly. “It’s in all the papers. Plus, it’s a definite advantage to be young with your children. Hilary was forty when she had me, and look how that turned out.”
Shanee leaned forward. “Lana, for God’s sake. This isn’t like piercing your nose. This is really serious. Being a mother isn’t a joke.”
I sneered. “How would you know?”
“It just so happens that I would know.” She stood up, too. “I’ve got two little brothers and a little sister, haven’t I? I know exactly what it’s like.”
“They’re not yours,” I said. “It’s different.”
Nothing was stronger than the mother-child bond. Unless, of course, your mother happened to be like mine. But I wasn’t like Hilary. I would be a great mother. I could already feel the connection between my baby and me starting to grow.
I patted my tummy. “I already love my baby, Shanee. Everything’s going to be fine.”
Her mouth was opened as though she was putting on lipgloss. “I want you to know that I think you’re mad. Totally bonkers.”
“You’re the one who’s bonkers. This is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Shanee was shaking her head and waving her hands about. “I have to go home. I’m too traumatized to have this discussion now.”
She was traumatized? How did she think I felt?
“What about me?” I snapped. “I’m the one who has to tell Les. You know what men are like. They think babies are a trap.”
Shanee picked up her things and gave me a “poor little cow” sort of look.
“Men aren’t the only ones,” said Shanee. “So does my mother.” She put her bag over her shoulder. “And so do I.”
* * *
I liked the idea of no one else knowing about the baby for a while. I felt like I had this brilliant secret – like I knew where the Ark of the Covenant really was or something like that – and it made me feel really happy and in charge.
So I bunked off school for the next couple of days. I didn’t feel like going even more than usual. I mean, what was the point? I wasn’t going to finish, was I? I didn’t even have to pretend any more. We’d see who was the poor cow. A