And Baby Makes Two - Dyan Sheldon [37]
Even though I was dying a horrible death, I could see what was happening as if I was watching a film.
Les was standing in the doorway. He’d come back because he missed me. No, he’d come back because he had a feeling that I needed him. He’d left his friends sitting by the pool and got the first flight back to London. He was wearing a Greece T-shirt and a straw hat. He dropped the bag and rushed to take me in his arms. “It’s all right, darling…” he crooned. “I’m here now…”
But it wasn’t Les. It was my mother. She was standing behind me in a blue woolly hat with a face the colour of a dead fire.
“Lana! I had a feeling—”
“Don’t just stand there yammering at me!” I screamed. “Do something!”
And then I really started to cry.
Post-Partum Blues
I really loved being on the ward. It was painted pale yellow and the curtains had little bears all over them, so it was really cheerful. There were three other new mothers on the ward with me: Ellen, Anne and Sam, so there was lots going on all the time and lots of chat and laughter. It was almost like a party.
I told the others all about not knowing about the contractions and the doctor telling me I wasn’t due and my waters breaking and everything.
Unlike Hilary Spiggs, who’d wanted to know what planet I came from, they all sympathized. And then they told me their own horror stories. It was incredible anybody ever bothered to have a baby really.
Ellen had her second in John Lewis. She called him Lou.
“It was either that or Ladies’ Lingerie,” she said. “I didn’t think Ladies’ Lingerie would go down well when he went to school.” She laughed. “You have to be careful about names.”
I felt like I belonged to a club or something. Except for Anne and me, all the others had had babies before. Ellen had three.
“Really?” It was like doing your GCSEs. I couldn’t imagine going through it more than once. “You’ve already got three kids?”
“Boys,” said Ellen. She grinned. “We wanted a girl.”
“I’ve got two,” said Sam. “One of each.”
“I don’t think I’ll have any more,” I said.
The others all laughed.
“That’s what everybody says,” said Sam.
Sam was twenty-four. Next to me, she was the youngest.
She gave me a wink. “You’re just a beginner. I was about your age when I started. Trust me, you get used to it.”
“Wait till you’ve had as many as me,” said Ellen. “The only thing that scares me is where I’m going to put another one.”
Ellen and her husband had a two-bedroom house.
“My parents gave us the deposit as a wedding present,” said Ellen. “We’ve been there longer than you’ve been alive.”
Anne said, “That sounds like heaven to me. Me and Colin moved in with my mum when we got married, and we’re still there.”
“It’s awful living with your mother, isn’t it?” I said. I was feeling really happy now, lying there chatting with everyone like a real woman. Anne was right, I could hardly remember the pain. “Me and my boyfriend are going to get our own flat as soon as we can.”
“Lucky you,” said Anne. “The only way I’m likely to get away from my mum is if I kill her and they put me in prison.”
“Um… Solitary confinement…” said Ellen. “What wouldn’t I give…”
“We want something modern,” I said. “With a garden for the kids.” I’d only just thought of the garden, but I knew exactly what it looked like. It would have a pink Wendy house, just like the one I’d always wanted.
“We wanted a flat of our own,” said Anne. “But … well…” She made a face and shrugged. “You don’t always get what you want, do you?”
I started to say that you could get what you want as long as you didn’t give up, but they all shouted at once, “You get what you need!”
I didn’t know what they were on about, but I laughed along.
“It’s pretty much the same thing, though, isn’t it?” I asked when they’d finished shrieking.
Ellen winked. “Not always.”
It was like a scene from a movie: me and Hilary Spiggs, shoulder to elbow, staring down at the tiny infant in my arms. Her eyes were closed and she had her fists balled against her mouth. She had this wild punky hair and blotchy skin. There was something sort of froggy