And Baby Makes Two - Dyan Sheldon [54]
“Fine. Everything’s brilliant. It’s bliss having the old cow out of the house. Every day’s a holiday.” I smiled to prove how happy I was. “How about you?”
“Great.” Shanee’s head bobbed up and down. “School’s a lot of work, but I’m enjoying it and it’s going well. And now that Lucy’s got Derek I’ve got more time for myself. That’s why I can take this job.”
“That’s brilliant.”
It was also ironic. It used to be Shanee who could never do anything because she was stuck in the flat helping her mum and I was the one who was always on the go. Now Shanee had more time and I had none. Not even just less but none. I was still holding Shinola’s soppy little fist, but I must’ve squeezed it too hard or something because she started howling.
“I’ll tell you what,” said Shanee. “If you and Les want to go somewhere nice, there’s this really cool restaurant down near Leicester Square. You’d really like it. They’ve got parrots and everything.”
There’d definitely been a lot of changes in Shanee’s life in the last couple of months. The only place she’d ever been at Leicester Square before was the tube.
“Shh…” I hissed at Shinola. “It’s not time for your bottle. Let me and Shanee talk.”
Shanee, who grew up in a house where quiet was when only three people were shouting, kept on talking.
“It was Edna Husser’s birthday,” she informed me. “She took ten of us there for supper.”
I didn’t know who Edna Husser was. She must be new. But I wasn’t all that interested just then. As per usual, Shinola’d decided to give it her all. I’d’ve squeezed her again if it wouldn’t’ve made it worse.
“And then we went to that virtual reality thing.”
“Shinola,” I begged. “Please… Why don’t you give Shanee a big smile? Show her what a good baby you can be…”
They call it projectile vomiting for a reason.
Shanee wiped it off her hand with a bib that was so dirty you couldn’t tell if it was decorated with rabbits or bears.
“I’d better get going.” She pushed back her chair. “I’ve got a ton of homework. I’ll give you a ring later on, all right? After Shinola’s asleep.”
She’d be lucky.
Shanee never rang. For days after her last visit I rushed to the phone every time it rang, but it was never Shanee. Sometimes it was my nan or Charlene, and a couple of times it was Dara on her mobile, ringing on her way to a meeting or a business dinner, but most of the time it was the same person. The last person on earth I had anything to say to. Hilary Let-me-run-your-life Spiggs.
“So how are you doing?”
“About the same as I was doing when you rang last time. Just blooming fine.”
“How’s the housekeeping money holding out?”
This was something Hilary asked every time she phoned, as if she was programmed, and it was also a trick question. If I told her the truth – that if it wasn’t for my Child Benefit and the fifty quid my nan sent me in case I wanted to buy myself a treat, and the fifty quid Dara sent me so I’d have some extra money for Christmas, and the twenty-five quid Charlene sent me for Shinola, I’d have about fifty pence to my name – she’d’ve done her impersonation of Hurricane Mitch.
“Just great,” I assured her. “Everything’s brilliant. I should get my first giro soon.”
“And how’s Shinola?”
“She’s brilliant, too.”
I could hear her sigh.
“Charley’s doing a job up in Camden,” my mother went on. “We were thinking he could pick you two up on his way home one night and you could come down for supper. You could spend the night if you wanted, or he could run you home afterwards.”
This was another irony. When we lived together she was always shouting at me, and now that she didn’t live with me she was always trying to get me to go down for a visit. I reckoned she just wanted to check up on me. You know, make sure I hadn’t been beating the baby or taking drugs or something.
“We’d love to,” I lied. “But I’m pretty busy this week.”
“Next week then.”
“I’ll have to see how things go.”
There were a few seconds of silence