And Baby Makes Two - Dyan Sheldon [66]
I stopped crying, but Shinola didn’t.
I wished she would go away. Just disappear. Then everything could go back to the way it was. I’d go back to do my GCSEs and go to parties and maybe even go to drama school. Shanee could move in with me and share the flat. We’d be like Friends. Mrs Mugurdy might die and a couple of guys get her flat. Then we’d really be like Friends.
Shinola kept shrieking.
“Shut up!” I shouted. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut bloody up!”
But she wouldn’t, would she?
“Just go away!” I begged. “Just go away!”
Suddenly I saw how easy it would be to wipe the last year right out of my life. Just put the pillow over her head for a couple of minutes. That was all. Just hold it there.
It wasn’t really like I was thinking it, it was like I was dreaming it.
I watched myself pick up the quilt Nan had made her and throw it over Shinola. I watched myself pick up the pillow and put it over her head.
The New Year’s chimes started ringing on the telly. Outside I could hear fireworks and people shouting. I pressed down.
One … two … three … four … five…
One tiny fist poked out from under the quilt and the pillow. It waved in the air.
And I could see her holding on to my hair, the way she always did. She wasn’t covered up in the cot, she was in my arms, pulling my hair so much it hurt. I don’t know, it just got to me, that’s all. It was Shinola’s hand, and there was always gunge between the fingers. I remembered counting them in the hospital.
Six … seven … eight … nine…
I could never go back. Unless I got amnesia, I was never going to be the way I was. If I’d wanted to get rid of Shinola, I should’ve done it before she was born.
Ten … eleven…
If I wasn’t going to go back, then I might as well go forward. I couldn’t see that I had much choice.
I threw the pillow and quilt across the room. Shinola was purple and gasping. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there hugging her.
Twelve…
I hadn’t heard the phone ring but I heard the answering machine pick up.
“Happy New Year, Lana and Shinola!” shouted Hilary and Charley. “Happy New Year!”
Shinola coughed and all this baby snot blew across the front of my dress.
“Well, I guess it’s just you and me,” I told Shinola.
Shinola’s fingers twisted themselves around my hair.
I winced in pain.
“Happy New Year to you, Shinola Spiggs,” I said. “Happy New Year to us.”
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously. All statements, activities, stunts, descriptions, information and material of any other kind contained herein are included for entertainment purposes only and should not be relied on for accuracy or replicated as they may result in injury.
First published 2000 by Walker Books Ltd
87 Vauxhall Walk, London SE11 5HJ
This edition published 2010
Text © 2000 Dyan Sheldon
Cover photograph © JFB/Stone+/Getty Images
The right of Dyan Sheldon to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmittedor stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, taping and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data:
a catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-1-4063-3254-4 (ePub)
ISBN 978-1-4063-3255-1 (e-PDF)
www.walker.co.uk
Table of Contents
When I Grow Up
Happy Birthday to Me
Love Will Set You Free
Not Quite Romeo and Juliet
Earth Calling Lana Spiggs
Pink or Blue, I Love You
My Chances Come
Preggers
Wrenching My Guts Out, Wish You Were Here
Post-Partum Blues
Motherhood
A Job for Life
Home Alone
Nothing to do and Nowhere to do it
Happy New Year