• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

I filed my report as instructed, noting the length of my Bzz (thirty minutes) and the number of people I Bzzed to (ten). I included all of my friends’ comments, including Nomi’s suspicious yoga teacher. “Do you know if a program like that exists,” I asked, “for marketing the bags through yoga teachers and reverse psychology?” The question went unanswered. I was, however, granted 35 BzzPoints, plus (I was pleased to note) 5 “Quality Credits” with which to help improve my “agent tier.”

Meanwhile, I also had joined the faithful souls at the Ground Force Network, a guerrilla marketing group for Christians whose tagline is “the Word on the streets.” Formed by two marketing firms that had collaborated on selling Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ to believing audiences, Ground Force was instrumental in spreading word about the Chronicles of Narnia film. On one campaign—for some Biblethemed DVD series that was offering, as a prize for team members, the chance to win a trip to Israel in a contest called “The Bible Is-Reel”—I was unable to sign up without naming at least one youth group I could help them reach.

The campaign I did join was on behalf of Cali, a nineteen-year-old “R&B flavored pop” singer who, according to her Ground Force page, “refuses to be a part of the pre-fabricated, manufactured, pretty as a picture pack.” Whether pre- or postfabricated, Cali clearly had good connections, and not just in the Christian entertainment world. She had been named an “Incubator Artist” on Radio Disney—a Disney-owned network aimed at teens and preteen “tweens,” with more than sixty stations nationwide—and her album was being sold exclusively at Wal-Mart. On her MySpace page I listened to her music, which I can attest is “R&B flavored” in roughly the sense that grape Jolly Ranchers are grape-flavored. Her single was a dance song called “Get Up,” which might sound like a genuinely R&B-flavored title until one watches the music video, in which various people “get up” by being lifted bodily into heaven.

What could I do, I wondered, to help Cali—and, in doing so, earn myself points so I could help myself to some Ground Force Network rewards? The Cali Field Agent Headquarters page laid out the tasks, and corresponding reward points, with a precision unseen in Christendom since the medieval sale of indulgences:

Online Posting: 2 Points Email a Friend: 2 Points Word of Mouth: 2 Points Add Cali as Your MySpace Friend: 3 Points Make Cali your Top Friend on MySpace: 3 Points Use a Cali Banner [on your website or MySpace page]: 3 Points Write a Comment on Someone’s MySpace/Facebook page about Cali: 3 Points

Write an Online Review: 5 Points Request Cali on the Radio: 10 Points Distribute Cali Materials: 10 Points Get Someone to Become a Member of Cali’s Team: 10 Points Get Someone to Buy Cali’s CD: 20 Points Make Public Announcement about Cali or play her CD to 1-25 people: 5 Points

Make Public Announcement about Cali or play her CD to 25-50 people: 8 Points

Make Public Announcement about Cali or play her CD to 51-100 people: 10 Points

Make Public Announcement about Cali or play her CD to 101-200 people: 15 Points

Make Public Announcement about Cali or play her CD to 201 or more people: 20 Points

Accompanying the list was an italicized warning: Please note: We will check all reports for accuracy and reports that do not reflect actual work will not be honored when rewards are given out. In other words, thou shalt not bear false witness about thy buzzing for Cali. Bill Shiller added Cali as a friend on MySpace (3 points), and when she accepted he made her his top friend (3 points). Moreover, in the “Who I’d Like to Meet” section of his MySpace profile, he pasted in one of the Cali image banners (3 points). I e-mailed two friends about Cali (4 points), as well as my mom (2 points). On Wal-Mart’s online store I posted a review (5 points) just by turning around slightly the promotional copy Ground Force had provided. “Too many acts that desire to connect with