Andy Rooney_ 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit - Andy Rooney [116]
27. I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
28. Politicians deserve better treatment than they’ve been getting and we should stop using the word “politician” as an epithet. Most of them are honestly trying to accomplish something good for all of us.
29. I spent four years in the army but do not belong to any veterans’ organization. As a way of getting together socially with people your own age and background, veterans’ groups are fine but I disapprove of them as a pressure group. I’m suspicious of professional veterans who wear overseas caps at conventions. Except for the men who were disabled, to whom it owes everything it can give, our country owes veterans nothing. We got what was coming to us, a free country.
30. I wish people spent less time praying and more time trying to solve the problems religion was created to help us endure.
31. It seems wrong for the United States to try to protect democracy by undemocratic means like overthrowing the government of a foreign country by undercover action.
32. A lot of people assume that we live in an orderly world where every event has a meaning and every problem has a solution. I suspect, however, that some events are meaningless and some problems insoluble.
33. I believe a lot of things I can’t prove.
34. Women have better natural instincts than men and are more apt to do the right thing.
35. I’d make a bad nun. Material possessions give me great pleasure even though all the best advice we’re given for happiness advises us to ignore them.
36. When someone says, “You know what I mean?” I don’t usually know what they mean and I know they don’t know. If someone knows what they mean, they ought to be able to tell you. I mean, you know what I mean?
37. My only war wound is an aversion to German accents.
38. We need chefs more than headwaiters and mechanics more than car salesmen. We need good doctors more than health plans.
39. The evolution of every business enterprise is away from quality. Products always get smaller, worse and more expensive.
40. If someone chooses to live in the United States, they should learn to speak English. I recognize that this is a small, meanspirited, rightwing opinion but I hold it.
41. People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
42. The accuracy of political polls is sad evidence of our predictability.
43. Most religions are designed to trick us into doing the things we’d do anyway if we used our heads.
44. It’s a lot easier to object to the way things are being done than it is to do them better yourself. Being a revolutionary, even in a modest way, is a lot more fun than having to take over and do it. Castro was a great revolutionary. It wasn’t until he won and started running things himself that he went wrong.
45. A lot of companies spend more to package, advertise and sell their product than they spend on making it. The toothpaste in a tube that costs $1.79 probably doesn’t cost ten cents to manufacture. Something’s wrong here.
46. I think women should be paid as much for doing the same job as men . . . although I don’t think they can lift as much.
47. I don’t believe in flying saucers or the Loch Ness monster and I’m not on drugs or religion. I don’t know my astrological sign.
48. If all the truth were known by everyone about everything, it would be a better world.
49. If all the truth were known by everyone about everything, most people wouldn’t like it, though. If their future depends on logical decisions based on all the evidence, they’re nervous. They don’t think they’re smart enough to make the right decision. If, on the other hand, success and happiness depends on their astrological sign or on hoping and praying or on winning the lottery, then they feel better. They think their destiny is in better hands than their own.
50. In view of how many of them are regularly found out to be scoundrels, I have an unreasonable faith in and