Andy Rooney_ 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit - Andy Rooney [98]
Another thing I’ll do is cut out second helpings. When I’m asked if I want more, I’ll be strong. “Couldn’t eat another bite,” I’ll say.
It’s the middle of December. The average person would probably wait until after Christmas to start losing weight but not me. Those people don’t have any strength of character. I’m going to start right now . . . tomorrow, probably.
I read that it’s a good idea to drink a glass of water before a meal, so I’ll start doing that. Maybe I’ll drink several glasses because I want to drop off some weight in a hurry. The kids will all be home for Christ
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In his Hacker boat, on Lake George
mas and I don’t want to hear them saying, “Boy, Dad, you’ve really put on some weight since summer.”
What made me decide to lose all this weight I’m going to take off, beginning tomorrow, is that for the second day in a row I popped the top button on my pants, the one right above the zipper. It might be that I just happened to get two bad buttons but I don’t think so. Anyway, I’m not taking any chances. I’m going to make it easier on the pants.
For the past few months I’ve been wearing wider ties because my suit jackets don’t come together and button the way they used to. The wide tie helps fill the gap so that people don’t see a big expanse of shirt in front. Thank goodness I’ll be able to go back to wearing thin ties again pretty soon.
It’s going to seem funny being as thin as I plan to get. Some people probably won’t even recognize me, I’ll be so thin.
“You look great, Andy,” everyone will be saying.
The least I ever weighed after I got out of college was 183 pounds. The most I ever weighed was yesterday when I hit 221 without even my socks on. I don’t develop a great paunch that sticks out, I gain weight all over. Even my ears are heavier.
It’s easy to see why a lot of people aren’t as successful at losing weight as I’m going to be. They go for some crazy scheme that doesn’t work. Not me. I’m going to do it the old-fashioned way and simply cut down on everything. After I’ve lost twenty pounds, I may write a book about it.
Come to think of it, later today I may call my publisher and ask if they’d be interested in a book about my weight loss. How I Lost 20 Pounds in 20 Days, I may call it. That would be a good title, give or take a few days.
It might even be a good idea if I started a diary the same day I start losing weight. Maybe I’ll start the diary tomorrow, too, then I’ll have the book done at the same time I’m twenty pounds lighter.
Of course, I don’t want to get too thin. I don’t want to look drawn. Doctors advise against going up and down too fast, so I don’t want to overdo it. Maybe I’ll have an occasional dish of ice cream. It might be better if I didn’t try to get too thin too soon. If I lose weight gradually, it might be a good idea if I didn’t start the book right away, either. I wouldn’t want to finish the book before I’m finished losing weight.
The Urge to Eat
No number of books or magazine articles detailing the kind or amount of food I should eat to lose weight will ever convince me that I’m not a person who is just naturally overweight.
I don’t have a potbelly or great globs of fat hanging from me anywhere in particular. I’m just overweight. There’s too much of me everywhere. Right now I’m up around 210. That may not sound bad but I’m not six foot three.
No one has ever been able to prove the extent to which we can alter the course of our lives by resolve. Nine times a year I promise myself to
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lose weight, but at the end of the year the chances are I’m going to weigh more or less what I weighed when the year started. That’s if I’m lucky.
Years ago I remember thinking I had found the answer. I had read a good book by a doctor who taught at Harvard and he convinced me that the problem of weight was a simple