Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Colletion_ Books 11-15 - Laurell K. Hamilton [1057]
I didn’t know what to say. It seemed like I should say something. Maybe I wasn’t in love with him. Or maybe it was just lust. Or…but one thing had to be clear between us.
“I appreciate all the honesty, Haven, really I do, but I need to be certain you understand a few things.”
He gave me a look that was both angry and uneasy. “What things?”
“You’ve done good. You checked with all the other group leaders. That was great. But I haven’t said I’d make you one of my boyfriends.”
He squeezed my hand, traced his fingers across my wrist. I had to fight not to shiver under even that small touch. I knew this reaction. It was too close to how Micah had affected me, too damn close. But when Micah came into my life the ardeur was brand new, and so was having my own beasts. I wasn’t new at controlling all of it now. Thank God.
“Your pulse speeds up just from that little touch. How can you say you don’t want me?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want you. But my life works, mostly. I like living with Micah and Nathaniel. I like bunking over with Jean-Claude and Asher. I don’t need another man in my life who won’t share. Frankly, I’m trying to thin down the number of men in my life. I really don’t want another one.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, don’t come down here thinking it’s a done deal between us. Don’t take it for granted that you’ll be able to fit into my life.”
He let go of my hand, then, and the look was so cold. “I talk to you like I’ve never talked to another woman, and this is what I get?”
“Yeah, because my life works. The coalition works. The power structure in this territory works. I won’t jeopardize it, not for lust, or even for love.”
“Ask her how she feels about you,” Truth said.
Haven shook his head.
“Tell him how you feel, Anita.”
I didn’t want to, but Truth was right. One, Haven had been honest with me. Two, a man’s ego is a fragile thing sometimes. The toughest men sometimes are the easiest hurt, and hardest to heal. I didn’t know what Haven and I would be doing with each other, but whatever we were going to do, it needed to be honest.
“I thought about you while you were in Chicago, but not to the extent you thought about me. I sent you away because I wanted to touch you. I wanted to be naked with you, and do all the things you do when the clothes come off.”
“You’re saying you wanted, like it’s past.”
“I still feel the attraction, trust me. But the initial attraction is the most overwhelming. It was like that with Micah, too. If I can get a little distance between me and the man, then, apparently, I get better control.”
“I wonder how your control would be if I weren’t shielding my lion from you? You’re hurt. You need to heal, but when you’re well, I want to see how your control holds up to my lion.”
“Don’t threaten me, Haven. I don’t react well to that.”
“It’s not a threat, Anita. I am being so good right now. You have no idea how good.”
“I appreciate that,” I said.
“But I’m not good. I’m bad. I think like a bad guy. You keep pushing me away, and all my good resolutions will go out the window.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means that once I kill Joseph and take over his pride, I’ll be a permanent member of your coalition. I’ll be the local Rex. Once I take over Joseph’s pride, I can’t go back to Chicago.”
The human part of me, the commonsense part of me said, Send his ass back home. The coldly practical part said, Who else is going to run the lions here? There were no other candidates. The lioness in me wanted to know if he was as good as his brag. Not just about sex, but power. The lioness more than any other of my beasts wanted a mate that could protect her, keep up with her. None of my other beasts were as competitive as the lion. I got a distant swirl of tiger, like a dream of a dream. Tiger wanted to be left alone. Fine with me.
“I’m scared of you, Haven. Scared that you being my lion will fuck