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I nodded. “I thought that’s what you meant when you repeated the rule in the hallway.”

“You understood,” he said.

“I encouraged you, remember?”

He searched my face, as if trying to read something there. “You did, didn’t you?”

“Edward and I know a lot of the same rules.”

“He said you think like him.”

“Sometimes,” I said.

“Not always,” Peter said.

“Not always,” I said.

“I won’t get the shot,” he said, and his voice sounded firm.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Do you think I should get it?”

“I didn’t say that, I just want your reasoning.”

“If I don’t get it, and I turn into a weretiger, well, then I did it saving you. If I don’t get the shot, and I don’t turn into a weretiger, then it’s good. If I get the shot and I wasn’t going to be a weretiger, I’ll get whatever’s in the shot, and I’ll have turned into a shapeshifter because I was scared to be a shapeshifter. That sounds stupid.”

“But if you are going to be a weretiger, then the shot would stop it from happening.”

“You think I should take it,” he said.

I sighed. “Honest?”

“Honest would be good,” he said.

“I didn’t like the way you said that if you turn into a weretiger, it’s good because you did it saving me. I don’t want you to think about me in this equation. I want you be a selfish son of a bitch, Peter. I want you to think about yourself and yourself alone. What do you want to do? What feels right to you?”

“Honest?” he said.

“Yeah, honest,” I said.

“I think I’ve made up my mind, then I go back and change it. I think if I decided, and they had the shot here and ready, I’d just take it, but they won’t bring it until I say so.” He closed his eyes. “Part of me wants to call my mom and let her decide for me. Part of me wants someone to blame if it goes wrong, but a man doesn’t do that. A man makes his own decisions.”

“In this situation, yes. But don’t imprint that whole lone gunman mentality too deep on your psyche.”

“Why?” he asked.

I smiled. “I know from experience that it’s hard to be part of a couple when you’re so damned independent. I’ve had to learn how to share my decisions. Balance is what you’re looking for.”

“I don’t know how to balance anything anymore,” and his eyes were shiny.

“Peter, I…”

“Go, okay?” he said, in a voice that was too thick. “Just go, please.”

I almost reached out and touched his shoulder. I wanted to comfort him. Hell, I wanted to go back in time and put his ass back on a plane home as soon as he showed up in St. Louis. I wished I had humiliated him and sent him packing. Wasn’t a bruised ego better than this?

Hands came and touched me, drew me back from the bed. Micah and Nathaniel drew me away so Peter could cry without me watching. My throat was so tight it hurt to breathe. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

They got me outside in the hallway before the first tear slid hot and almost painful down my own face. “Damn it,” I said.

Micah tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. “I’ll cry if you hug me.”

“Anita, just let it out.”

I shook my head. “No, don’t you understand. We have to kill her first. I’ll cry when Mercia’s dead.”

“You blame her for Peter being hurt,” he said.

“No, I blame me, and Edward, but I can’t kill us, so I’ll kill who I can.”

“If you’re going to talk about killing people, Anita, you might not want to do it in front of a policeman.” Zerbrowski walked down the hallway with his usual smile. He looked as he always did, like he’d slept in his suit, though I knew he hadn’t. His dark curly hair had more gray in it, but it was still the careless curls. Katie, his wife, hadn’t made him cut it recently. He was cheerfully messy, and Katie was one of the neatest people I’d ever met. Opposites attract.

I had a horrible urge to hug him. He just looked so nicely normal coming down the hallway. Which made me turn to Micah and Nathaniel. If I was thinking about falling into Zerbrowski’s arms, I was badly in need of a hug. All three of them had seen me cry before, including Zerbrowski.

I threw an arm around Micah, then held the other one out to Nathaniel. I