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“Hey, I’m not headed for wedded bliss either, who am I to force you into it?”

She looked at me, as if searching my face for a lie. She was pale and hollow-eyed, as if she hadn’t gotten much more sleep than Micah. “But you’ve let Micah move in with you.”

I nodded and drank coffee. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you want him to move in with you? I thought you liked your independence as much as I do.”

“I’m still independent, Ronnie. Micah moving in didn’t change that.”

“He doesn’t try to order you around?”

I just looked at her.

“I’m sorry, Anita, but my dad was such a bastard to my mother. I’ve seen pictures of her on stage in college. She wanted so much, but he wouldn’t have a wife that worked. She had to be the perfect little homemaker. She hated it, and she hated him.”

“You aren’t your mother,” I said, “and Louie isn’t your father.” Sometimes in these heart-to-heart talks you have to state the obvious.

“You weren’t there, Anita, you didn’t see it. She fell into a bottle, and he never noticed, because on the outside she was perfect. She never got roaring drunk, or falling down drunk. It was just like she needed this constant buzz to see her through the day, and the night. A functioning alchoholic is what they call it.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. We’d both told each other our sad stories years ago. She knew all about my mother’s death, my father marrying the ice princess stepmother, and my perfect stepsister. We’d shared our bitterness toward our familes long ago. I knew all this, so why tell it again? Because something about the proposal had brought it up.

“You told me months ago that Louie is nothing like your dad.”

“Yeah, but he still wants to own me.”

“Own you,” I said, “what does that mean, own you?”

“We date, we have great sex, we enjoy each other’s company, why does he have to move in, or make me marry him?” There was something like real fear in her face.

I touched her hand where it lay clenched on the tabletop. “Ronnie, he can’t make you marry him.”

“But if I don’t agree to something, he’ll leave. We either move forward, or he’s gone. That’s him trying to force me to marry him.”

I felt like I wasn’t qualified for this talk, because her logic wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t like that. I knew Louie, and he’d have been horrified that she saw his proposal and his need to finalize things as ownership. I was almost a hundred-percent certain he didn’t mean it that way. I squeezed her hand and tried to think of what to say that would help things instead of hurt. Nothing came to mind.

“I don’t know what to say, Ronnie, except that I don’t believe Louie meant to hurt you like this. He loves you, and thought you loved him, and when people love each other, they tend to want to get married.”

She took her hand back. “How do I know this is love? I mean the love, like till-death-do-you-part love?”

Finally something I could answer. “You don’t.”

“What do you mean, you don’t? Isn’t there supposed to be a test, or a sign, or something? I thought if I ever fell in love that this panic wouldn’t be here. That I would be totally sure and unafraid, but I’m not. I’m terrified. Doesn’t that mean that Louie isn’t the one? That it would be a terrible mistake? Aren’t you supposed to be sure?”

Now I knew I was unqualified for this conversation. I needed like a pinch hitter to offer better advice than I had. “I don’t know.”

“Were you sure when you let Micah move in, sure that it was the right thing to do?”

I thought about it, then shrugged. “It wasn’t like that. He moved in almost before we’d dated, I . . .” How do you put into words things that you only feel, things that have no words attached to them? “I don’t know why I didn’t panic when he moved in, it just happened. One day I walk into the bathroom, and there’s a razor and a shaving kit. Then, when the clean clothes got put away, his T-shirts got mixed in with mine, and since they’re the same size, we left it that way. I’ve never dated anyone before who can wear the same clothes I can, it’s kind of neat to wear his jeans sometimes, or his shirt,