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I looked at him, while I rested against Nathaniel’s body. Nathaniel had propped himself up on his elbows and was looking at Jason. We both seemed utterly comfortable with him there. Was that wrong? It didn’t feel wrong.

I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t, well, I could, but I would have sounded silly. If the ardeur hadn’t come, where would I be? I thought, I’d still be with Richard, but as soon as I thought, I knew better. Richard had used the ardeur as another excuse to run from me, but he hadn’t liked any of my life. He hadn’t liked the police work, the zombie raising, my comfort with the vampires and shapeshifters. Strangely, the thing he’d liked less was that I seemed willing to accept him and his beast. I’d seen too far into his head in that one moment in my own bathroom. Damian had said it best; Richard loved his shame more than he loved anything else.

So, where would I be without the ardeur? No Micah, no Nathaniel, no Asher. My life still nothing but murder cases, zombie raisings, and vampire slayings. Hell, without the ardeur would I have stayed with Jean-Claude, or would I have found another reason to run from him, too? Maybe. It sounded like something I’d do.

I looked at Jason and settled more solidly against Nathaniel’s body. He sighed, and laid his head down on the bed.

“So what, the ardeur is the universe’s way of getting me where I needed to go?”

“Maybe,” he said, then grinned, “I can’t speak for whole universe. All I know is that I envy you, and I don’t envy many people.”

I frowned.

“Are you jealous?” Nathaniel asked.

Jason looked surprised, either at the question, or at who had asked it. He finally shook his head. “Not jealous of you or Anita, like in love with you jealous, no. Jealous of what you have together, hell yes. Jealous of not having that many people in love with me, hell, yes, again.” He smiled, and then grinned, and it reached his eyes this time. “Besides, I’m not Anita’s type for a relationship.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“I’m not submissive enough, or dominant enough for you. I’m certainly not domestic enough. I’m also not willing to take on all the responsibilities that Micah seems to embrace so easily. You’ve found another person who thrives on his job and taking care of other people’s crises. Not my idea of fun.” He spread his hands wide. “You and Jean-Claude, well, that’s something else. I know I can’t compete with it.”

“It’s not a competition,” Nathaniel said.

“You don’t see it that way,” Jason said, “but I’m just dominant enough, and guy enough, to see it that way.”

“If anyone of them saw it as a competition, it wouldn’t work,” I said.

“I know,” Jason said. He shook his head. “I’m going into the bathroom again, and this time I’m staying there until I’m called, or until I feel the ardeur rise. You guys have fun. Sorry, if I flattened the mood.”

“My mood’s fine,” I said.

“Mine, too,” Nathaniel said.

Jason stared at us both. “No ardeur, and I’ve made you talk and think too hard, and you’re still okay with this?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Why?”

“Because a very wise and dear friend told me I was going to fuck this up, and I don’t want to do that.”

He smiled and his face softened. “If you do ever pick one of them to actually marry, and it’s Nathaniel, I get dibs on being best man.”

“I don’t think that’s going to come up,” I said, “but if it does, you’d be our first pick.”

“You didn’t ask Nathaniel,” he said.

“She didn’t have to,” Nathaniel said.

Jason walked toward the bathroom, shaking his head. “Too dominant by half.”

I called after him. “You know I have to be the better man in any relationship, Jason.” I meant it to be a joke.

He turned at the bathroom door, and said, “Fuck, Anita, you are the better man. Just because you don’t have the right equipment, doesn’t change what you are.” He closed the door behind him, firmly, until it clicked.

We were left alone in the bedroom. Nathaniel raised up and looked down at me. “You don’t have to finish tonight, Anita. Jason’s right, the way you touched me. I know if not this time, then next. The sooner