Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Colletion_ Books 11-15 - Laurell K. Hamilton [48]
“What will Micah say, if he finds out you’ve been with me?”
“Micah is okay with it.”
Asher looked at me.
“I know, I know, I keep waiting for him to pitch a fit about something. He’s fine with sharing me with Jean-Claude, and Nathaniel, and, I quote, ‘anyone else that you need to include,’ unquote.”
Asher widened eyes at me. “My, isn’t he understanding.”
“You have no idea,” I said. “When he came into my life, he said he’d do anything to stay with me, anything to be my Nimir-Raj. So far he’s meant it.”
“He seems perfect for you,” Asher said, voice full of a soft irony.
“I know, makes me wonder when the other shoe will drop and he’ll turn on me.”
Asher touched my face, which made me look at him. He was looking full at me now, those ice blue eyes so sincere. “I would never want to do anything that would damage what you have built in your life. If we do this and you run away, then Jean-Claude will have damaged his relationship with you, and I will leave.”
I felt my eyes go wide. “What do you mean, you’ll leave?”
“I mean if you take me to your bed tonight and cast me out tomorrow, I will leave. I will no longer watch Jean-Claude be in love with others while I wait. It will take time to find another Master who will want me, and probably not as a second. I know that I am weak for a master. I have no animal to call,” he shook his head, “so many of my powers are useless except in intimate situations, and once,” he almost touched the scarred side of his face, but let his hand fall away, “once this happened, no one would let me get close enough to use my powers on them.”
He licked his lips, sighing at the same time, and that one gesture made me catch my breath. I did want him, I’d wanted him the way a woman wants a man for a long time. But lust alone had never been enough for me.
“You’re saying that if we take you to our bed tonight, but I freak tomorrow, and it’s only this one time, that you’ll leave us?” I asked.
He nodded. He didn’t even need to think about it.
“You’re giving me an ultimatum, Asher, I’m not good at ultimatums.”
“I know that, but I have to protect myself, Anita. I cannot live this close to heaven and not be allowed inside. I think it will drive me mad in the end.” He leaned back against the door and looked past me to Jean-Claude. “I have been thinking for some months now that I should go. It is too hard on all of us. Know that it has healed some of the wounds to be with you as a friend again, Jean-Claude.” He turned and smiled at me. “And seeing the way you watch me has helped, more than it’s hurt, Anita.” He turned, put his hand on the doorknob.
I put my hand flat on the door, holding it.
Asher looked at me. “Let me go, Anita, you know you don’t want this.”
“What am I supposed to say to that, Asher? That you’re right? That if Musette hadn’t come today that I wouldn’t be making this offer now? You’re right, I wouldn’t be.” I pressed myself against the side of the door. “But the thought of you leaving, of never seeing you again . . .” I shook my head, and damn it if I was going to cry again. “Don’t go, please, don’t go.”
“I have to go, Anita.” He touched my shoulder, tried to move me out of the way so he could open the door.
I shook my head. “No.”
He frowned at me. “Ma cherie, you do not love me, not truly. If you do not love me, and you do not want me, then you must let me go.”
“I do love you, and I do want you.”
“You love me as a friend, you want me, but you want many men, yet you do not give yourself to them. I have all eternity, but my patience is not good enough to out wait you, ma cherie. You have defeated me. I would have tried to seduce you, but . . .” Again he almost touched the scarred side of his face, but his hand fell away, as if he could not bare to touch himself. “I have seen the men you have turned down. Such perfection, and you walk away without so much as a regret.” He frowned as if he didn’t understand