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“They are,” Nathaniel said.

“Depends on what fringe benefits you’re talking about,” I said.

“Sex,” he said, straightening up slowly, obviously still in pain. “You’re Belle Morte’s line, there is no other fringe benefit for you guys.”

I couldn’t argue with the last part, but I could with the first. “Don’t assume you’re getting sex, Haven.”

He gave me a look. “All this and you don’t think I’ve proved myself enough for sex? Damn, girl, what does a man have to do to meet your standards?”

“When you figure it out, let me know.” This from Richard. He stopped near the bed, and looked at me. “You could have been my lupa for real, but you didn’t want to be. You chose him, them, over me.”

“If I’d been lupa for real, you wouldn’t have wanted me. I saw it in your head.”

He shook his head. “You could have been my lupa at the lupanar, with the pack.”

“But I would have lost the baby.”

He wouldn’t meet my gaze.

“You can’t stand the thought that this isn’t your baby.”

“No, I can’t.”

“I’m already your lupa,” I said, “I’m already Bolverk. Nothing would have changed for you and me if I’d become wolf for real. My being wolf would have meant you looked harder for that human Ms. Right.”

He stared down at me. “You won’t even let me have the illusion of it, will you?”

I tried to sit up, and Micah had to help me. So stiff, so sore. “What illusion, Richard?”

“That we could be together as a couple, at least with the wolves.”

“And what happens to my life when the moon isn’t full?”

“Would it be so bad to be with me for real, without the others?”

I looked up into his face, and maybe I was tired, physically, mentally, emotionally. After everything I’d been through tonight, and this morning, all he could think of was himself, his problems, his pain. “Is everything about your pain, Richard, is that all you think about?”

“Answer me, Anita, answer me. Would it be so bad to have been with me for real? Just the two of us, would that be so bad?”

I tried one more time not to answer. “You don’t want me to answer that question, Richard.” I leaned in against Micah, let him hold me.

“Mon ami,” Jean-Claude said, “let it go.”

He shook his head again. “No, not this time. I had this idea that if he”—and he pointed at Jean-Claude—“hadn’t interfered we’d be a couple, we’d have been happy. But I see you with him”—he pointed at Micah—“and him”—he pointed at Nathaniel—“and I have to know. Tell me the truth, Anita. Tell me the truth. I won’t break the triumvirate. I won’t run away. But tell me the truth, so I know where I stand. I need to know how hard I need to look for Ms. Right. Tell me the truth, and maybe I can move on. I know I can’t stand watching you take another lover. That, I know I can’t stand.” He sat down on the messy edge of the bed. He gave me a solemn face. “If you’d become wolf for real, and had to live with me, give up Micah and Nathaniel, would that have been so bad?”

My throat hurt, but it wasn’t from what the beasts had done. My throat was thick and tight; my eyes burned. Why did Richard always make me want to cry? “Don’t make me do this,” I whispered.

“Just say it, Anita, just say it.”

I had to swallow twice, and the tears spilled over as I said, “Yes, it would have been bad.”

“Why? Why would the two of us living together, raising our child be so bad? If it is mine I want a place in his life.”

That was it, he’d brought the baby up, and suddenly in all the tears was the anger, never far behind for me. “You don’t see me, Richard. You see this ideal of me, but it’s not me. I don’t think it was ever me.”

“What does that mean, I don’t see you? I see you, you’re right there.”

“What do you see, Richard, tell me?”

“I see you.”

“I’m naked on a bed being held by a naked man, with two other naked men in the room who are also my lovers. You’ve just said you can’t stand to watch me take another lover, when you know I’m supposed to be looking for a new pomme de sang to feed the ardeur.”

“I thought you weren’t really going to look, just pretend.