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He blinked at me through the golden strings of his hair. “I do not trust myself alone with you. Jean-Claude agrees.”

I looked past him at the guards. “Hey, Remus, Ixion.”

They glanced at each other, then said hi.

“Remus was the last face I saw before I woke up here.”

“He came to my call,” Asher said, and his face was miserable.

“Your call, what do you mean your call? You don’t have an animal to call.”

“He does now,” Remus said. He hesitated, then walked farther into the room. Ixion stayed by the door. “He called us while he was doing you. The call was…we had to answer. We had to leave our guard duties and go to him.” He looked at Asher, who would not meet his eyes either. “Good thing we did, I guess, but Jean-Claude thinks that the reason it got so out of hand between the two of you was that Asher’s new power came on line.”

“You do not have to make excuses for me,” Asher said.

“I didn’t mean to.” Remus gave me a look that I couldn’t interpret, then went back to stand by the door.

“So you have an animal now?” I said.

“Yes.” He didn’t look any happier. “I know that you can’t forgive me. I don’t expect you to. I won’t touch you again, Anita; you have my word.”

It took me a moment to understand what he’d said. “Are you saying that you won’t ever be with me again, as in sex?”

He nodded, face so solemn.

The thought of him never touching me again filled me with panic. My pulse sped up, and I fought not to yell at him. How could he deny me? I had to work to make my voice come out calm. “Sit down, Asher, please.”

He hesitated, then finally sat. “I offer you the only safety I can. I give you my word that I will never touch you again.”

I couldn’t quite keep my voice steady as I said, “I don’t want that.”

He finally met my eyes. “What?”

“I don’t want you to never touch me again.”

“Anita, you’ve kicked me out of your bed for far less than this. I almost killed you. You can’t forgive that. You don’t forgive anything.”

He had me there. “I’m working on that, okay?”

His mouth moved, almost like he fought off a smile.

“Do you know why I haven’t reached out and taken your hand?”

“You are afraid to touch me.” His voice spilled despair over my skin the way Jean-Claude could spill pleasure.

“Yes, but not in the way you mean.”

He shook his head, hunching over his clasped hands. “I do not want you afraid of me, Anita, not in any way, but I cannot blame you for it.”

“I’m afraid to touch you, because I’m afraid that I’ll ask you to kiss me.”

He nodded. “And you fear where that kiss will lead.”

“Asher.” I said it harder, more like myself, though with a voice that needed water. “Asher, look at me.”

He just shook his head.

“Damn it, look at me.”

It was actually hard to tell through the hair and the dimness of the room, but I think he was looking at me. “What would you have of me, Anita? I have already given up everything I ever wanted. What more do you want from me?”

“God, you are a gloomy person.”

That made him sit up a little straighter, his arrogance kicking in. “I am sorry that my manner displeases you so.” He sounded a little angry; good. It was better than despair.

“You’re right, I should be furious with you. And you’re right that I’ve kicked men out of my life for a hell of a lot less than this.”

The anger leaked away, and that numbing depression rolled over him again. It was like watching the light fade from him. “Did you ask me to sit so you could grind the knife in deeper?”

“If I want to grind a knife in, you’ll know it. I’m just trying to talk.” I had to cough to clear my voice. “Is there water?”

Asher looked around the room. It was Remus who found a pitcher of water and a little cup. He poured it, then hesitated, and finally handed it to Asher. The two men had a moment where you could almost feel the battle of wills, then Asher finally took the cup, and came to the bed. He would not look at me as he offered the water with a little bendy straw in it.

The water tasted stale, but it was cool, and felt wonderful in my mouth and throat. I raised my untaped arm to help hold the cup. My fingers