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It wasn’t just the standard ooh, isn’t he pretty that made me stop. It was that suddenly in his new leather trench coat and hat, with his hair all covered, he looked grown-up. He was seven years younger than me, and I’d felt vaguely like a child molester when he first hit my radar. I’d fought long and hard to keep him out of the boyfriend box, but in the end, it hadn’t worked. Now I looked at him like a stranger might, and realized that the only one who still thought he might be a child was me. Standing there looking like a fetish version of Sam Spade, he didn’t look twenty. He looked very over twenty-one.

Someone bumped me, and that made me jump. Shit, that was too careless. I started moving, dressed in my own black leather trench coat, but no hat. I didn’t do hats unless it was freaking freezing. Even with Christmas only weeks away, it wasn’t that cold. St. Louis in the wintertime: freezing one day, nearly fifty the next.

My trench coat was unbuttoned from the waist up, only belted in place. It was colder that way, but I could still reach my gun. Going armed in winter was always full of fun choices like that.

He spotted me before I’d gotten through the outer doors. He gave me that smile that made his whole face glow, so happy to see me. Once I would have bitched, but I was too busy fighting off my own version of the same smile. One of my other boyfriends said I hated being in love, and he was right. It always felt so stupid, like your insurance rates should go up, because you’re impaired. Romantically handicapped.

The face under the hat was too pretty to be handsome. He was beautiful, not handsome. Apparently, no matter how tall he got, or how much he muscled up, that wasn’t going to change. But it wasn’t a delicate face, the way Jean-Claude’s was, or Micah’s was; it was stronger boned than that, higher cheekboned. Something a touch more male in his face—I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something—and when he looked full at you, you never thought feminine, but always male. Had that changed in the last few months? Had I not noticed that, or had it always been like this and I just was so determined to marginalize him that I couldn’t let his face be more masculine than Jean-Claude’s or Micah’s? Did I still equate strength and being a grown-up to being male? Me, of all people? Surely not.

His smile had faded around the edges. “What’s wrong?”

I smiled and went to hug him. “Just wondering if I’m paying enough attention to you.”

He hugged me back, but not like he meant it. He pulled me back so he could see my face. “Why would you say that?”

I finally let myself look full into his eyes. Tonight I was so distracted by him that I’d avoided his eyes almost like he was a vampire with a gaze and I was some tourist human. His eyes were lavender—really, truly the color of lilacs. But it wasn’t just the color; they were large and perfect, and crowned his face with that final touch that just made your heart hurt. Too beautiful, simply too beautiful.

He touched my face. “Anita, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.” And I didn’t. I was attracted to Nathaniel but this was excessive. I looked away so I wouldn’t be staring directly into his face. What the hell was wrong with me tonight?

He tried to draw me into a kiss, and I pulled away. A kiss would undo me.

His hands dropped away from me. His voice held the first hint of anger. It took a lot to make Nathaniel angry. “It’s just a movie, Anita. I’m not even asking for sex, just a movie.”

I glanced up at him. “I’d rather go home and have sex.”

“Which is why I asked for the movie,” he said.

I frowned at him. “What?”

“Are you embarrassed about being seen with me in public?”

“No.” I let my face show how much it shocked me that he’d even have to ask.

His face was very serious, hurt, ready to be angry. “Then what is it? You won’t even kiss me.”

I tried to explain. “I forgot everything but you for a minute.”

He smiled, his eyes not quite catching up to it. “Is that so bad?”

“In my line of work, yes.” I watched him try to understand. He was