Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Colletion_ Books 11-15 - Laurell K. Hamilton [961]
I half-patted, half-slapped his chest. “Too big, you’re too big.”
“The water,” he said, breathy. He leaned his hands on the sides of the tub, face down, the head of him still inside me. “If you release the ardeur, we can do it.”
“But I’ll be sore afterward, and so will you.”
He moved his hips a little, and the sensation, even tight, made me catch my breath. “Not too sore,” he said.
“Yes,” I said, “trust me. I don’t want to be walking funny tomorrow.”
He raised his head enough to frown at me. “We’ve never done it before like this—how can you be so sure?”
Shit. I stared up at him with his body halfway inside mine and didn’t know what to say. The truth was Micah and I had done it, but that seemed impolitic, to say the least, in this moment. I tried to think of something that wouldn’t make him feel bad. But I waited too long.
He said, “Just say it, Anita, just say it.”
“I want to make love with you, Richard. I don’t want to fight.”
He pulled back enough so he wasn’t inside me anymore. He stayed with his arms on either side of the tub, framing me. The look on his face was cautious now, almost as if he were steeling himself for bad news. It wasn’t the look I wanted on his face right now.
“Say it, Anita.” His voice sounded tired.
“I tried it with someone else.”
“Why did it hurt?”
“Don’t make me say this, Richard, please.”
“Say it,” and his voice was harsher now.
I sighed. “Fine, because he was too big for it not to hurt.”
“Who?”
“Don’t do this, Richard.”
“Who?” This time it was a demand.
I gave him angry eyes. “Who do you think?”
“I don’t know; you’ve added at least two men to your list, and I’ve never seen either of them erect.”
I ducked under his arm and half-swam to the other side of the tub. “Tell me what you want me to say, Richard.”
“Is it your two new vampires?”
“Are you wanting to know how you measure up to Requiem and London? Is that what you’re actually wanting to know?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
I crossed my arms under my breasts, the water helping, since they floated. “I cannot believe you’re asking this.”
“It’s an easy question, Anita.”
“Do you actually want to know if you’re bigger than they are?”
“I’m so jealous of them that I can’t see straight, so yeah, I want to know. I want to know that I’m still the best-endowed man in your bed.”
“You know, I don’t actually get out a ruler and measure everybody.”
“So they are big.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” I covered my face with my hands. “No, no, they aren’t as well endowed as you are. Happy?” I lowered my hands and found that it wasn’t a happy look on his face.
“Then who is?”
I’d managed for months not to have this discussion, this specifically, with anyone. Of course, it would be Richard who pushed it. “Micah, okay? Micah.”
“Is that why you love him?”
“Jesus, no, Richard, you should know better than most that a really big cock is not enough to win my heart.”
“Then why him? Why are you living with him and not me?”
I sighed. We weren’t going to have sex. We were going to have therapy. Sweet Mary, Mother of God, I did not want to do this. “Don’t do this, not now, not today.”
“I need to understand what went wrong before I can move on, Anita. I’m sorry, but I do.”
I shook my head and tried to settle into the water, but it wasn’t soothing anymore. It was just wet. “Fine. Do remember, I’m living with Nathaniel, too. You always seem to forget him, or discount him.”
“He’s not dominant, Anita. In the world of wereanimals that makes him discountable.”
“But in the world of my affections, Richard, he is not discountable.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t, and I’m sorry you don’t, but it’s still the truth. I’m living with Micah and Nathaniel, not just Micah. The fact that Nathaniel isn’t a dominant doesn’t make me love him less.”
“How can you sit there, like this, and tell me you love