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By Root 4272 0

when the ardeur pressed around us, and I knew his control was fragile enough that I would feed. I felt his confusion, felt him struggling to decide what to hold on to and what to let go. I realized that the shields had come down long ago, because he couldn’t hold the marks closed, keep himself in human form, and keep me from feeding, all at the same time. He screamed again, and I felt Richard decide, felt the conscious choice of the lesser evil. He shoved his beast down, down, deep inside himself, and he shut the marks between us like slamming a door. It was so sudden that it felt like the world had lurched. I had a moment of dizziness, was almost sick, then the ardeur rode over us, through us, like a thundering thing to trample us both underfoot, until we were just flesh, bone, blood, just meat, just need. I saw Richard’s back arch, his head fling back, and through the ardeur I felt the growing pressure, tightness in his body, seconds before that hot release spilled over him, and I held his hand while his body rocked with the strength of it, and the pleasure of it drew me to my knees, almost as if the power itself lifted me up for a second, held me, rocked me, and I fed, I fed, and fed, and fed, until we were left lying on the floor, sweat-covered, breathing in gasps, our hands still locked together.

Richard pulled away first. He lay there, eyes unfocused, breathing labored, his heart beating too fast, filling his throat. He swallowed hard enough that it sounded like it hurt. I felt weighted, heavy with the feeding, almost like I could sleep again, like a snake after a big meal.

Richard found his voice first. “You had no right to feed off me.”

“I thought that was the idea of you staying until morning,” I said.

He sat up slowly, as if he were stiff now. “It was.”

“You never said no.” I rolled onto my side, but didn’t try and sit up yet.

He nodded. “I know that. I’m not blaming you.”

He was, but at least he was trying not to. “You could have stopped me, Richard. All you had to do was either leave the marks open between us or let your beast go. You could have held the ardeur out. You made your choice on what to control.”

“I know that, too.” But he wouldn’t look at me.

I propped myself up on my arms, almost sitting. “Then what’s wrong?”

He shook his head and got to his feet. He was a little unsteady, but he went for the door. “I’m leaving, Anita.”

“You make that sound awfully permanent, Richard.”

He turned and looked at me. “No one feeds off me, no one.”

He’d closed himself so tight that I couldn’t tell what he was feeling, but it was plain on his face. Pain. His eyes held some deep pain, and he’d pulled so far away in his mind, his heart, that I couldn’t tell what it was, only that it hurt him.

“So, you won’t be here tomorrow morning when the ardeur comes again?” My voice sounded almost neutral when I asked.

He shook his head, all that heavy hair sliding around his shoulders. His hand was on the doorknob, his body turned away enough that he hid himself from me as much as he could. “I can’t do this again, Anita. For God’s sake, you have the same rule. No one feeds on you either.”

I sat up, arms wrapping around my knees, holding them tight to my chest. I guess I was covering my nakedness, too. “You’ve felt the ardeur now, Richard. If I can’t feed off of you, then who? Who do you want me to share this with?”

“Jean-Claude . . .” But his voice dropped off before he could finish.

“It’s a little after noon and he’s still dead to the world. He won’t wake in time to share the ardeur with me.”

His hand tightened on the doorknob hard enough for me to see the muscles in his arm tense. “The Nimir-Raj, then. I’m told you’ve already fed on him once anyway.”

“I don’t know Micah that well, Richard.” I took a deep breath and said, “I don’t love him, Richard. I love you. I want you.”

“You want to feed off me? You want me to be your cow?”

“No,” I said, “no.”

“I am not food, Anita, not for you or anyone else. I am Ulfric of the Thronnos Rokke Clan, and I am not cattle. I am the thing that eats the cattle.”

“If you had