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He nodded. “Yes, perhaps, but is anything I have said untrue?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I hate it, but no.”

“Then let us at least take precautions, ma petite. It is luck alone that had the Nimir-Raj made safe. Our lives are complicated enough without that.”

I knew what “that” meant. An accidental pregnancy. The thought of it made my blood run colder than anything else had. I hid my face in my hands. “I can’t do this.”

“Then you must call Richard and tell him you cannot come tonight. You cannot go as you are, ma petite. The need will only worsen the longer you deny it.”

I raised my face and stared at him. “How much worse?”

He lowered his gaze. “Bad enough.”

I crawled across the bed to him, made him look at me. “How bad?”

He tried not to meet my gaze. His shields were back in place, and I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. “You would be attracted to all the men. You would . . . I cannot guarantee what you would do, ma petite, or who you would do it with.”

I just stared at him. “No. No, I would never . . .”

He touched my mouth with his fingertip. “Ma petite, if you have not found my memories of my first days with this inside my body, then it is a blessing. I was a wanton thing before I became a vampire. But what I did when the desire first fell upon me . . . The desire did not hit me at once, because I craved blood first, then when that quieted, the desire rose inside me.” He took my hands in his, pressed them against the cool flesh of his chest. “I did things, ma petite, things that even to a hardened libertine were humilating. A look, a glance, and it was enough to bring me to them.”

“Didn’t Belle Morte try to protect you?”

“I did not meet Belle until I had been dead nearly five years.”

I stared at him. “I thought Belle was your, whatever, that she made you into a vamp.”

“Lissette was my creator. She was of Belle’s line, but not a master vampire, not by any stretch of the definition. In France it is customary that every kiss of vampires has at least one vampire belonging to each of the council bloodlines. Lissette was the only one of her kind in a nest descended mostly of far less pleasant vampires. Julian was her Master of the City, and he was my first true master. He brought in people for me, but not people I would have chosen. He brought in . . .” Jean-Claude shook his head. “He amused himself at my expense, because he knew I would take whatever he offered, because I would have no choice. I thought I had no room for embarrassment, but he taught me that there were things I did not want to do, and I did them anyway.”

I think if he hadn’t been shielding so strongly that I would have seen what he was remembering, but he didn’t want me to see.

“Let me spare you such degradation, ma petite. You are not as I was. You have never given yourself freely. I fear what you would do, or think of yourself, if you did these things. I do not think your sense of yourself would survive intact.”

“You’re scaring me,” I said.

“Good, you should be frightened. Asher met me before I had mastered the ardeur. He can tell you what I was like then.”

I just looked at Asher.

“I had seen the ardeur rise in others before Jean-Claude, and I have watched it since, but I have never seen anyone so crazed by it,” said Asher.

“So you helped him learn how to control the ardeur.”

“Non. Lissette sent to Belle, telling her of Jean-Claude’s beauty. I was sent to, how would you say, look him over for Belle. I advised Belle not to bring Jean-Claude and his master to court.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I was jealous of his beauty and his prowess. After ten years she was growing bored with me, or so I feared. And I did not wish the competition.”

“I learned to control the ardeur without the aid of another who had experienced it. For five years I fed on flesh as I fed on blood. Only then did I master the ability to feed from a distance.”

“Five years!” I said.

“Belle taught me true control of the ardeur, and I was not hers until I had been dead five years. But I will be there for you from the beginning. It will not be as it was for me.” Jean-Claude