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I looked at him. “You mean Nathaniel.”

He nodded.

“No, I . . . I don’t trust myself not to lose control and . . . you know what I mean.”

“He is lovely to the eye, and he cares for you. Would it be so very wrong?”

“Yes, yes, it would be like child molesting. He can’t say no. If a person can’t say no, then it’s the same as rape.”

“Perhaps what you do not wish to acknowledge, ma petite, is that Nathaniel knows exactly what he wants, and what he wants is you.”

“He wants me to dominate him in every sense of the word.”

“It is best if a pomme de sang is submissive to you.”

I shook my head.

“Then who else would you want to risk being carried away with, your Nimir-Raj?” This time there was something in his voice.

“You are jealous.”

“The Nimir-Raj is not a pomme de sang, a mistress, a dessert, no matter how delectable. He is an entrée, a very, very main course, and I wish to be the only entrée at your table.”

“You were sharing me with Richard, and he certainly wasn’t just dessert.”

“Very true, but he also had ties to me. He is my wolf to call, and that is a different . . . relationship to me, to you, than some stranger.”

“I know it was the ardeur, but damn, I’ve never . . .”

“You are not a woman of casual lusts. No, ma petite, you are not. And I fear that this Nimir-Raj is no more casual than the rest of your lusts.” He looked so serious when he said it, solemn.

“What do you mean?”

“If you are truly his Nimir-Ra, then you will be drawn to him. There is no help for it. And truthfully, I cannot fault your taste. He is not as fair of face as our Richard, but he does have certain compensations.” The look on his face made me blush again.

I turned to the sink and started brushing my teeth, and he took it as a dismissal. He went out laughing. When the door was closed behind him and I was alone I stood for a long time looking at myself in the mirror. It still looked like me. But I could taste Jason’s blood underneath the toothpaste. I started scrubbing and spitting and running the cold water, listening to the sound of the water instead of the screaming inside my head.

When Jean-Claude came back into the room I was rinsing the blood out of the washrag I’d used and had three different kinds of mouthwash sitting beside the sink. I’d used all three, and I couldn’t taste anything but minty freshness. You could scrub yourself clean of the blood and the taste of it in your mouth, but the stains that really mattered were the ones that no amount of soap or water could touch. I’d have said that things couldn’t get any worse, but I knew they could, and rapidly. If I locked myself away for a few days until I could control the ardeur, the werewolves would vote without me there, and they’d execute Gregory. If they killed Gregory, it wasn’t just Jacob that I’d kill. It would be war between me, my pard, and Richard’s pack. Richard was just Boy Scout enough to get in my way, and maybe force me to kill him. Something inside of me would die if Richard died, and if I pulled the trigger . . . some things you recover from, some things you don’t. Killing Richard would be one of those things I wouldn’t recover from.

Jean-Claude said softly, “Are you alright, ma petite?”

I shook my head, but said, “Sure.”

He held a bundle of blue satin out to me. “Then you need to get dressed, and I will escort you back outside.”

I looked at him. “Is it that obvious that I don’t want to go back out there?”

“Jason has been taken to his room. He will heal. But we thought it would upset you to see him. Nathaniel awaits your pleasure, since he did drive you.”

“What about Asher?”

“He took Jason away.”

“You know we have the answer to the question you’ve been wanting to know,” I said.

We looked at each other. “I felt his release, ma petite. I know that he has been tormenting me, allowing me to believe he was ruined. But we still do not know how badly scarred he is, and that is a ruin of a different sort.”

“You mean he may feel he’s so scarred that he doesn’t want anyone to see him, or touch him?”

“Oui.”

“Until the two of you touched