Anna Karenina (Penguin) - Leo Tolstoy [248]
‘Let’s not ever talk about it,’ she added more calmly.
‘I’ve left it for you to decide this question, and I’m very glad to see ...’ Alexei Alexandrovich began.
‘That my wish coincides with yours,’ she quickly finished, annoyed that he spoke so slowly, while she knew beforehand everything he was going to say.
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘and Princess Tverskoy meddles quite inappropriately in the most difficult family matters. In particular, she ...’
‘I don’t believe anything they say about her,’ Anna said quickly. ‘I know that she sincerely loves me.’
Alexei Alexandrovich sighed and fell silent. She played anxiously with the tassels of her dressing gown, glancing at him with that painful feeling of physical revulsion towards him for which she reproached herself and which she could not overcome. She now wished for only one thing - to be rid of his hateful presence.
‘I’ve just sent for the doctor,’ said Alexei Alexandrovich.
‘I’m well - what do I need the doctor for?’
‘No, the little one is crying, and they say the wet nurse doesn’t have enough milk.’
‘Then why didn’t you let me nurse her when I begged to? Anyway’ (Alexei Alexandrovich understood the meaning of this ‘anyway’), ‘she’s a baby, and they’ll be the death of her.’ She rang and ordered the baby to be brought. ‘I asked to nurse her, they didn’t let me, and now I’m being reproached.’
‘I’m not reproaching you ...’
‘Yes, you are! My God! Why didn’t I die!’ And she burst into sobs. ‘Forgive me, I’m annoyed, I’m not being fair,’ she said, recovering. ‘But do go ...’
‘No, it cannot remain like this,’ Alexei Alexandrovich said resolutely to himself, after leaving his wife.
The impossibility of his position in the eyes of the world, and his wife’s hatred of him, and generally the power of that crude, mysterious force which, contrary to his inner mood, guided his life, demanding the carrying out of its will and a change in his relations with his wife, had never before been presented to him with such obviousness as now. He saw clearly that his wife and the whole of society demanded something of him, but precisely what, he could not understand. He felt how, in response to it, a spiteful feeling arose in his soul that destroyed his peace and all the worthiness of his deed. He considered that for Anna it would be better to break connections with Vronsky, but if they all regarded it as impossible, he was even prepared to allow these relations again, so long as the children were not disgraced and he was not deprived of them or forced to change his position. Bad as that was, it would still be better than a break-up, which would put her in a hopeless, shameful position and deprive him of everything he loved. But he felt powerless. He knew beforehand that everything was against him and that he would not be allowed to do what now seemed to him so natural and good, but would be forced to do what was bad but seemed to them the proper thing.
XXI
Betsy had not yet had time to leave the reception room when Stepan Arkadyich, just come from Yeliseev‘s,18 where fresh oysters had been delivered, met her in the doorway.
‘Ah, Princess! What a happy meeting!’ he began. ‘And I was just at your place.’
‘A momentary meeting, because I’m on my way out,’ said Betsy, smiling and putting on a glove.
‘Wait, Princess, before you put your glove on, let me kiss your little hand. I’m grateful for nothing so much as the return of old fashions, such as the kissing of hands.’ He kissed Betsy’s hand. ‘When shall we see each other?’
‘You don’t deserve it,’ Betsy replied, smiling.
‘No, I deserve it very much, because I’ve become a most serious man. I settle not only my own but other people’s family affairs,’ he said with a meaningful look on his face.
‘Ah, I’m very glad!’ Betsy replied, understanding at once that he was talking about Anna.