Anna Karenina (Penguin) - Leo Tolstoy [256]
The hand in its velveteen cuff having discreetly received a three-rouble note, the deacon said he would register it and, briskly stamping with his new boots over the flagstones of the empty church, went into the sanctuary. A moment later he peeked out and beckoned to Levin. The thought locked up till then in Levin’s head began to stir, but he hastened to drive it away. ‘It will work out somehow,’ he reflected and walked to the ambo.2 He went up the steps and, turning to the right, saw the priest. An elderly man with a thin, greying beard and tired, kindly eyes, he was standing by a lectern leafing through the service book. After bowing slightly to Levin, he at once began reading prayers in an accustomed voice. When he finished them, he bowed to the ground and turned to face Levin.
‘Christ stands here invisibly and receives your confession,’ he said, pointing to the crucifix. ‘Do you believe everything that is taught by the holy apostolic Church?’ the priest went on, turning his eyes from Levin’s face and folding his hands under the stole.
‘I have doubted, I doubt everything,’ Levin said, in a voice he himself found unpleasant, and fell silent.
The priest waited a few seconds to see whether he would say anything more, and then, closing his eyes, in a quick, provincial patter with a stress on the os, said:
‘Doubts are in the nature of human weakness, but we must pray that God in His mercy will strengthen us. What particular sins do you have?’ he added without the slightest pause, as if trying not to waste time.
‘My chief sin is doubt. I doubt everything and for the most part live in doubt.’
‘Doubt is in the nature of human weakness,’ the priest repeated the same words. ‘What is it that you doubt predominantly?’
‘I doubt everything. I sometimes even doubt the existence of God,’ Levin said involuntarily, and was horrified at the impropriety of what he had said. But Levin’s words did not seem to make any impression on the priest.
‘What doubts can there be of the existence of God?’ he hastened to say with a barely perceptible smile.
Levin was silent.
‘What doubt can you have of the existence of the Creator, when you behold His creations?’ the priest went on in a quick, habitual manner. ‘Who adorned the heavenly firmament with lights? Who clothed the earth in its beauty? How can it be without a creator?’ he said, glancing questioningly at Levin.
Levin felt that it would be improper to enter into a philosophical debate with a priest, and therefore he said in answer only what had a direct bearing on the question.
‘I don’t know,’ he said.
‘You don’t know? How then can you doubt that God created everything?’ the priest said in merry perplexity.
‘I don’t understand anything,’ Levin said, blushing and feeling that his words were stupid and could not help being stupid in such a situation.
‘Pray to God and ask Him. Even the holy fathers had doubts and asked God to confirm their faith. The devil has great power, and we mustn’t give in to him. Pray to God, ask Him. Pray to God,’ he repeated hurriedly.
The priest was silent for a time, as if pondering.
‘You are, as I have heard, about to enter into matrimony with the daughter of my parishioner and spiritual son, Prince Shcherbatsky?’ he added with a smile. ‘A wonderful girl!’
‘Yes,’ Levin answered, blushing for the priest. ‘Why does he need to ask about it at confession?’ he thought.
And the priest, as if answering his thought, said to him:
‘You are about to enter into matrimony, and it may be that God will reward you with offspring, is it not so? Well, then, what sort of upbringing can you give your little ones, if you don’t overcome in