Anna Karenina (Penguin) - Leo Tolstoy [309]
She spent the whole day at home, inventing means for meeting her son, and arrived at the decision to write to her husband. She was already working on the letter when Lydia Ivanovna’s letter was brought to her. The countess’s silence had humbled and subdued her, but the letter, everything she could read between its lines, annoyed her so much, its malice seemed so outrageous compared with her passionate and legitimate tenderness for her son, that she became indignant with them and stopped accusing herself.
‘This coldness is a pretence of feeling,’ she said to herself. ‘All they want is to offend me and torment the child, and I should submit to them! Not for anything! She’s worse than I am. At least I don’t lie.’ And she decided then and there that the next day, Seryozha’s birthday itself, she would go directly to her husband’s house, bribe the servants, deceive them, but at all costs see her son and destroy the ugly deceit with which they surrounded the unfortunate child.
She went to a toy store, bought lots of toys, and thought over her plan of action. She would come early in the morning, at eight o‘clock, when it was certain that Alexei Alexandrovich would not be up yet. She would have money with her, which she would give to the hall porter and the footman so that they would let her in, and, without lifting her veil, she would tell them she had come from Seryozha’s godfather to wish him a happy birthday and had been charged with putting the toys by the boy’s bed. The only thing she did not prepare was what she would say to her son. However much she thought about it, she could not think of anything.
The next day, at eight o‘clock in the morning, Anna got out of a hired carriage by herself and rang at the big entrance of her former home.
‘Go and see what she wants. It’s some lady,’ said Kapitonych, not dressed yet, in a coat and galoshes, looking out of the window at a lady in a veil who was standing just at the door.
The porter’s helper, a young fellow Anna did not know, opened the door for her. She came in and, taking a three-rouble bill from her muff, hurriedly put it into his hand.
‘Seryozha ... Sergei Alexeich,’ she said and started forward. Having examined the bill, the porter’s helper stopped her at the inside glass door.
‘Who do you want?’ he asked.
She did not hear his words and made no reply.
Noticing the unknown woman’s perplexity, Kapitonych himself came out to her, let her in the door and asked what she wanted.
‘I’ve come from Prince Skorodumov, to see Sergei Alexeich,’ she said.
‘He’s not up yet,’ the porter said, looking at her intently.
Anna had never expected that the totally unchanged interior of the front hall of the house in which she had lived for nine years would affect her so strongly. One after another, joyful and painful memories arose in her soul, and for a moment she forgot why she was there.
‘Would you care to wait?’ said Kapitonych, helping her off with her fur coat.
After taking her coat, Kapitonych looked into her face, recognized her and silently made a low bow.
‘Please come in, your excellency,’ he said to her.
She wanted to say something, but her voice refused to produce any sound; giving the old man a look of guilty entreaty, she went up the stairs with quick, light steps. All bent over, his galoshes tripping on the steps, Kapitonych ran after her, trying to head her off.
‘The tutor’s there and may not be dressed. I’ll announce you.’
Anna went on up the familiar stairs, not understanding what the old man was saying.
‘Here, to the left please. Excuse the untidiness. He’s in the former sitting room now,’ the porter said breathlessly. ‘Allow me, just a moment, your excellency, I’ll peek in,’ he said, and, getting ahead of her, he opened the tall