Anna Karenina (Penguin) - Leo Tolstoy [45]
‘Keep your hands still, Grisha,’ she said, and went back to knitting a blanket, her handwork from long ago, which she always took up in difficult moments; she was now knitting nervously, flicking the stitches over with her finger and counting them. Though yesterday she had sent word to her husband that she did not care whether his sister came or not, she had everything ready for her arrival and was excitedly awaiting her.
Dolly was crushed by her grief and totally consumed by it. Nevertheless she remembered that Anna, her sister-in-law, was the wife of one of the most important people in Petersburg and a Petersburg grande dame. And owing to this circumstance, she did not act on what she had said to her husband, that is, did not forget that Anna was coming. ‘After all, she’s not guilty of anything,’ thought Dolly. ‘I know nothing but the very best about her, and with regard to myself, I’ve seen only kindness and friendship from her.’ True, as far as she could remember her impression of the Karenins’ house in Petersburg, she had not liked it; there was something false in the whole shape of their family life. ‘But why shouldn’t I receive her? As long as she doesn’t try to console me!’ thought Dolly. ‘All these consolations and exhortations and Christian forgivenesses - I’ ve already thought of it all a thousand times, and it’s no good.’
All those days Dolly was alone with her children. She did not want to talk about her grief, and with this grief in her soul she could not talk about irrelevancies. She knew that one way or another she would tell Anna everything, and her joy at the thought of how she would tell her everything alternated with anger at the need to speak about her humiliation with her, his sister, and to hear ready-made phrases of exhortation and consolation from her.
As often happens, she kept looking at her watch, expecting her every minute, and missed precisely the one when her guest arrived, so that she did not even hear the bell.
Hearing the rustle of a dress and light footsteps already at the door, she turned, and her careworn face involuntarily expressed not joy but surprise. She stood up and embraced her sister-in-law.
‘What, here already?’ she said, kissing her.
‘Dolly, I’m so glad to see you!’
‘I’m glad, too,’ said Dolly, smiling weakly and trying to make out from the expression on Anna’s face whether she knew or not. ‘She must know,’ she thought, noticing the commiseration on Anna’s face. ‘Well, come along, I’ll take you to your room,’ she continued, trying to put off the moment of talking as long as possible.
‘This is Grisha? My God, how he’s grown!’ said Anna and, having kissed him, without taking her eyes off Dolly, she stopped and blushed. ‘No, please, let’s not go anywhere.’
She took off her scarf and hat and, catching a strand of her dark, curly hair in it, shook her head, trying to disentangle it.
‘And you are radiant with happiness and health,’ said Dolly, almost with envy.
‘I? ... Yes,’ said Anna. ‘My God, Tanya! The same age as my Seryozha,’ she added, turning to the girl who came running in. She took her in her arms and kissed her. ‘A lovely girl, lovely! Show them all to me.’
She called them all by name, remembering not only the names, but the years, months, characters, illnesses of all the children, and Dolly could not help appreciating it.
‘Well, let’s go to them then,’ she said. ‘A pity Vasya’s asleep.’
After looking at the children, they sat down, alone now, to have coffee in the drawing room. Anna reached for the tray, then pushed it aside.
‘Dolly,’ she said, ‘he told me.’
Dolly looked coldly at Anna. She expected falsely compassionate phrases now, but Anna said nothing of the sort.
‘Dolly, dear!’ she said, ‘I don’t want either to defend him or to console you - that is impossible. But, darling, I simply feel sorry for you, sorry with all my heart!’
Tears suddenly showed behind the thick lashes