Anne of Ingleside - L. M. Montgomery [46]
‘Don’t you call me that beast’s Aunt Cornelia,’ protested Mrs Elliott sharply. ‘A joke is a joke, but that is carrying things too far.’
‘Wouldn’t you rather be the Rhymer’s aunt than Neddy Churchill’s aunt?’ queried Richard Chase plaintively. ‘Neddy is a glutton and a wine-bibber, isn’t he? I’ve heard you giving a catalogue of his sins. Wouldn’t you rather be aunt to a fine upstanding cat like Thomas with a blameless record where whisky and tabbies are concerned?’
‘Poor Ned is a human being,’ retorted Miss Cornelia. ‘I don’t like cats. That is the only fault I have to find with Alden Churchill. He has got the strangest liking for cats, too. Lord knows where he got it… both his father and mother loathed them.’
‘What a sensible young man he must be!’
‘Sensible! Well, he’s sensible enough, except in the matter of cats and his hankering after evolution… another thing he didn’t inherit from his mother.’
‘Do you know, Mrs Elliott,’ said Richard Chase solemnly, ‘I have a secret leaning towards evolution myself.’
‘So you’ve told me before. Well, believe what you want to, Dick Chase… just like a man. Thank God, nobody could ever make me believe that I descended from a monkey.’
‘You don’t look it, I confess, you comely woman. I see no simian resemblances in your rosy, comfortable, eminently gracious physiognomy. Still, your great-grandmother a million times removed swung herself from branch to branch by her tail. Science proves that, Cornelia… take it or leave it.’
‘I’ll leave it, then. I’m not going to argue with you on that or any point. I’ve got my own religion, and no ape-ancestors figure in it. By the way, Richard, Stella doesn’t look so well this summer as I’d like to see her.’
‘She always feels the hot weather a good deal. She’ll pick up when it’s cooler.’
‘I hope so. Lisette picked up every summer but the last, Richard… don’t forget that. Stella has her mother’s constitution. It’s just as well she isn’t likely to marry.’
‘Why isn’t she likely to marry? I ask from curiosity, Cornelia… rank curiosity. The processes of feminine thought are intensely interesting to me. From what premises or data do you draw the conclusion, in your own delightful off-hand way, that Stella is not likely to marry?’
‘Well, Richard, to put it plainly, she isn’t the kind of girl that is very popular with men. She’s a sweet, good girl but she doesn’t take with men.’
‘She has had admirers. I have spent much of my substance in the purchase and maintenance of shotguns and bulldogs.’
‘They admired your money-bags, I fancy. They were easily discouraged, weren’t they? Just one broadside of sarcasm from you and off they went. If they had really wanted Stella they wouldn’t have wilted for that any more than for your imaginary bulldogs. No, Richard, you might as well admit the fact that Stella isn’t the girl to win desirable beaux. Lisette wasn’t, you know. She never had a beau till you came along.’
‘But wasn’t I worth waiting for? Surely Lisette was a wise young woman. You would not have me give my daughter to any Tom, Dick or Harry, would you? My Star, who, in spite of your disparaging remarks, is fit to shine in the palaces of kings?’
‘We have no kings in Canada,’ retorted Miss Cornelia. ‘I’m not saying Stella isn’t a lovely girl. I’m only saying the men don’t seem to see it, and, considering her constitution, I think it is just as well. A good thing for you, too. You could never get on without her… you’d be as helpless as a baby. Well, promise us a contribution to the church stove range and we’ll be off. I know you’re dying to pick up that book of yours.’
‘Admirable, clear-sighted woman! What a treasure you are for a cousin-in-law! I admit it… I am dying. But no other than yourself would have been perspicacious enough to see it or amiable enough to save my life by acting upon it. How much are you holding me up for?’
‘You can afford five dollars.’
‘I never argue with a lady.