Anno Dracula - Kim Newman [23]
‘This seems a very minor business.’
Ruthven flared his nostrils. ‘Your understanding is limited, Godalming. Just consider: there is hardly an upstanding member of either house who has not, at one time or another, buggered a telegraph boy. Come December, Dracula will have some very prominent fairies slowly sinking on to the Christmas trees they are surmounting.’
‘A curious image, my Lord.’
The Prime Minister waved away the remark, diamond-shaped nails catching the light.
‘Tchah, Godalming, tchah! Of course, in that canny brain, our Wallachian Prince may have many purposes to one action.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning that there is in this city a certain new-born poet, an Irishman, as known for his amatory preferences as for his unwise association with a countryman whose memory is much out of favour. And, dare I say it, better known for either attribute than for his verse.’
‘You mean Oscar Wilde?’
‘Of course I mean Wilde.’
‘He is not much at Mrs Stoker’s lately.’
‘Neither should you be, if you value your heart. My protection can only cloak so much.’
Godalming nodded, gravely. He had his reasons for continuing to attend Florence Stoker’s after-darks.
‘I have a report on the doings of Mr Oscar Wilde somewhere,’ Ruthven said, indicating another pyramid of papers. ‘Commissioned in my private capacity as a gentleman of letters, with an interest in the continuing health of our finest creative minds. Wilde has embraced the vampire state with enthusiasm, you’ll be pleased to know. Currently, sampling the blood of young men is his favoured pursuit, somewhat eclipsing his aesthetic fervour, and completely obliterating the flirtation with Fabian socialism that regrettably preoccupied him at the beginning of the year.’
‘You’ve obviously taken an interest in the fellow. For myself, I always find him tiresome, tittering behind his hand to hide his bad teeth.’
Ruthven threw himself into a chair and ran a hand through his longish hair. The Prime Minister was something of a dandy, given to an extravagance of cuffs and cravats. Punch called him ‘the compleat murgatroyd’.
‘We contemplate the dread possibility that Alfred, Lord Tennyson, will hold the post of poet laureate for dreary centuries. Egads, imagine Locksley Hall Six Hundred Years After? I would rather drink vinegar than live in an England that would allow such a horror, and so I have been casting around for a merciful alternative. If things had been otherwise, Godalming, I should have chosen to be a poet, and yet tyrannous fate, with the invaluable assistance of the Prince Consort, has bound me to the rock of bureaucracy, the eagle of politics pecking at my liver.’
Now Ruthven stood up and wandered to his book-cases, where he remained, contemplating his beloved volumes. The Prime Minister had lengthy passages of Shelley, Byron, Keats and Coleridge by heart, and could disgorge chunks from Goethe and Schiller in the original. His current enthusiasms were French, and decadent. Beaudelaire, de Nerval, Rimbaud, Rachilde, Verlaine, Mallarmé; most, if not all, of whom the Prince Consort would have gleefully impaled. Godalming had heard Ruthven declare that a purportedly scandalous novel, A Rebours by J.K. Huysmans, should be placed before every schoolboy, and that he would, in a utopia, make vampires only of poets and painters. It was said, however, that one symptom of the un-dead state was a withering of the creative abilities. A proud philistine who would rather have hunt scenes on his walls than William Morris paper, Godalming never had anything that might be considered an artistic inclination, and so could not bear witness to