Anno Dracula - Kim Newman [47]
‘Good Lord,’ said a warm constable, with disgust.
Von Klatka howled triumph and tossed the draining corpse away. He wiped blood out of his eyes. His wolves joined the noise.
‘Rancid is blood of new-borns,’ he said.
Kostaki laid a heavy hand on the shoulder of the footman. His spine was twisted and he had a small boy’s face.
‘You,’ Kostaki said, ‘your name is what?’
‘Or-Or-Orlando,’ said the creature, who, now Kostaki was close, turned out to be wearing powder and rouge.
‘Orlando, guide us well.’
He spluttered, ‘yes, masterful sir.’
‘Clever boy.’
Mackenzie held out a document. ‘I have a warrant entitling us to search these premises, on the suspicion that indecent and unnatural acts are being condoned for profit by the proprietor, one... um,’ he consulted the paper, ‘Charles Hammond.’
‘Mr Hammond is in France, your worship,’ Orlando said. He was dry-washing his hands, and experimenting with smiles of insinuation. Kostaki could taste the fear boiling off him.
Gorcha, roaring like a bear, charged into the kitchens, laying about him with a sword. There was a sound of breaking crockery and some feeble whimpering.
‘What is all this rot?’ said someone from the landing above.
Kostaki looked up, and saw a thin, elegant new-born with plastered-down hair and immaculate evening dress. He had with him a boy in a stained nightshirt.
‘Milord,’ said Orlando. ‘These gentlemen...’
The new-born ignored the footman and made an announcement. ‘I am Bachelor Equerry to His Highness, Prince Albert Victor Christian Edward, Heir Presumptive to the Throne. If this unwarranted intrusion is not withdrawn, the consequences for you will be vastly unpleasant.’
‘Tell him warrant we have,’ von Klatka said.
‘My Lord, I am Kostaki of the Carpathian Guard, the private regiment of His Highness, Vlad Dracula, known as Tepes, the Impaler, Prince Consort to Queen Victoria of these isles.’
The Lord goggled at Kostaki, patently appalled. These English were always so shocked to be found out. They thought position was protection. Kostaki called Gorcha away from the kitchen-maids, and sent him up the stairs to haul down the Bachelor Equerry and his rent-boy.
‘Search the place,’ Mackenzie ordered. His constables snapped to, running up the stairs, barging into all the rooms. By now the house was an uproar of screams and protests. The wolves were off somewhere, doing mischief.
Two naked boys, faces painted gold, ran out from a back room, laurels flying from their brows. Von Klatka opened his arms wide, and swept them up, catching both at once. They struggled like fish and von Klatka laughed at the absurdity.
‘Pretty twins,’ he said. ‘Twins I have.’
Kostaki left the foyer to assess the work in the street. Cobblestones had been torn up and stake-holes were being rapidly dug. Several of the poles were already erect, ready to receive the offenders. A small crowd had gathered on the other side of the street, gossiping uselessly among themselves. He growled, and they dispersed quickly.
‘Thirsty work,’ said one of the new-born labourers, settling a stake into a hole.
The catch were already being collected outside the house. Von Klatka was in charge, slapping exposed rumps with the flat of his blade, jeering at the inverts. An upstairs window opened and a fat man tried to throw himself out, naked rolls of flesh bouncing. He was pulled back inside.
‘You,’ shouted the Bachelor Equerry, pointing at him. ‘You shall suffer for this outrage.’
Von Klatka slashed from behind at the Bachelor Equerry’s legs, catching him just above the knees. The silvered blade bit deep, cracking bones. The new-born folded up into an attitude of prayer; as the pain hit, he tried to shape-shift. His face pushed out into a hairless snout; his ears slipped back, flaring wolfishly. His shirt-front expanded, studs popping, as his ribs reconfigured. His arms became clawed forelegs, but his wounded knees prevented the shift from carrying much below his waist. On his dog-shaped head,