Appointment in Samarra - John O'Hara [57]
How do you know what a burlesque show dancer is like? said Harvey Ziegenfuss. How do I know? said his wife. You ask me that? You, Harvey Ziegenfuss, ask me that? All right, I ll tell you. I know because you showed me. When we were first married you used to get me to get undressed one by one, one thing after another. That s how I know.
Everyone, except Harvey Ziegenfuss, laughed. Aw, you’re nuts, he said. But that only made them laugh a little more. Drinks! shouted Lute Fliegler. Emily, how bout you? Dutch, you’re ready for another. Frannie, you could stand it. Vic, what s the matter with you? Not drinking?
I m going easy, said Vic Smith. You better, too, Lute Fliegler, said Irma Fliegler. No worse than a bad cold, Vic, said Lute. What was that strange noise I heard? he held his ear in the direction of Irma. You heard what I said. You better go easy yourself. Vic s right.
No worse than a bad cold, said Lute. You’re not a man till you had it once. Dewey, how about you? You know what the governor of North Carolina said to the governor of West Virginia.
You mean the governor of South Carolina, said Emily. No. I meant North Dakota, said Lute. Come on, let s get drunk, people.
I m cockeyed already, said Dewey Hartenstein. I m getting an edge on myself, said Harvey Ziegenfuss. Oh, you. Who asked you? said Emily Ziegenfuss. Hey, there, Ziegenfusses, quit necking right out in public, said Lute. Wait till you get home.
Here s to good old Yale, said Dutch Snyder, who had been All-Scholastic guard on the Gibbsville High championship team back in 1914, the year Gibbsville beat both Reading and Allentown. Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you. Embrace me, my irreplaceable you, la la, la la, la la, la la, la dada da, um ha, um ha, um ha, um ha, lum dada da. Monica Smith was singing. Low-zee, said Emily. Our cat sings better than that.
Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you, Monica sang. Embrace me la la replaceable you. Don t be a naughty baby. Come to papa, come to papa do. My sweet embraceable you.
Everybody got their drink? Emily, said Lute, what you need is a drink.
Yeah, said Harvey Ziegenfuss. What she needs is a drink. Yeah.
Sure she does, said Lute. I didn’t say of what, did I?
Carbolic acid, I suggest, said Monica Smith. Oh, cut fighting, you two, said Helen Schaeffer, who up to this time had taken no part in the conversation. Another country heard from! said Emily. Who wants to dance? I got rhythm, I got rhythm! sang Dutch Snyder. Yeah. You got rhythm. You said it you got rhythm, said Emily. Well, come on, what s holding you? said Dutch. Frannie, said Emily. I am not, said Frannie. Go ahead and dance with him if you want to. In a slightly lower tone she added: You like it.
What you say? said Emily. I said you like it. Go ahead and dance with him, said Frannie. All right, said Emily. I will dance with him. Come on, Dutch.
Let s go, said Dutch. I got sweet dreams in green pastures.
The others, except Lute and Frannie, chose or were somehow maneuvered into taking partners. Lute got up and moved to a chair beside Frannie. That Emily Ziegenfuss, she said. What does she think she is? I know what I think she is.
Uh-huh. Don t say it, said Lute, don t say it. If there s one thing I don t like, I don t like to hear one woman call another a bitch.
Well, that s what she is, all right, said Frannie. It s partly your fault, too, Lute. You know she can t drink. Why do you keep on giving her drinks?
She d be just as bad on two as she is on four or five, he said. He dropped the levity for a moment. The only thing to do now is make her pass out. She will.
Well, she can t pass out any too soon for me, said Frannie. And that husband of hers, that Harvey. Trying to give me a feel under the table. Honestly! Can you imagine that? Just because she makes a fool out of him he thinks because Dutch is a sap, I guess he thinks that gives him the right to try to paw over me.
I don t blame him, said Lute. I d like a little of that myself.
Oh, you,