Appointment in Samarra - John O'Hara [94]
It certainly was, Julian reflected. It certainly was the answer. So a man with a wife and child had done it? That meant, most likely, that it had been done with more skill and regularity than if it had been done by a college boy. Drink? he said. Oh, all right, she said. He made the drinks and went back to her with a drink in each hand. But instead of handing her hers he put both drinks down together on the small table and sat down beside her. He put his hand under her chin and she turned her face and smiled and then she closed her eyes and her mouth was open before it touched his. She brought up her knee and pushed herself full-length out on the couch, and held his head with her hands over his ears. Just kiss me, she said, but she put her hand under his coat and opened his vest and shirt. No, she said. Just kiss me, She was terribly strong. Suddenly she jerked away from him. Whew! Come up for air, she said. He hated her more than anyone ever had hated anyone. Drink? he said. No, I don t think so. I must go.
Don t go, he said. He wanted to call her all kinds of bitches. Now is the best time, she said, but she did not get up. Well, it s up to you, he said. Listen, Joo-lian, she apologized by exaggerating the u in his name, if I stay here you know what ll happen.
All right, he said. Not all right at all. You’re married to a swell girl. I don t know her at all, but I know she s swell, and you don t give a damn about me. Oh, I don t want to talk about it. I admit, I have a yen for you, but but all the same I m going. Good-by, she said, and she would not let him help her with her coat. He heard the wurra-wurra of the starter in her car, but he was not thinking of her. He was thinking of the time after time he was going to hear those words in the future. You’re married to a swell girl. I don t know her at all (or, Caroline s one of my best friends ). & I have a yen for you, but all the same I m going. Miss Cartwright was already deep in the past, the musty part of the past, but now her words came out of the mouths of all the girls he wanted to see. Telephone operators, department store clerks, secretaries, wives of friends, girls in the school crowd, nurses all the pretty girls in Gibbsville, trying to make him believe they all loved Caroline. In that moment the break with Caroline ceased to look like the beginning of a vacation. Now it looked worse than anything, for he knew that plenty of girls would do anything with a married man so long as he was married, but in Gibbsville for the rest of his life he was Caroline s husband. There could be a divorce, Caroline could marry again for that matter, but no girl in Gibbsville worth having would risk the loss of reputation which would be her punishment for getting herself identified with him. He recalled a slang axiom that never had any meaning in college days: Don t buck the system; you’re liable to gum the works.
He didn’t want to go back and make a more definite break with Caroline. He didn’t want to go back to anything, and he went from that to wondering what he wanted to go to. Thirty years old. She s only twenty, and he s thirty. She s only twenty-two, and he s thirty. She s only eighteen, and he s thirty and been married once, you know. You wouldn’t call him young. He s at least thirty. No, let s not have him. He s one of the older guys. Wish Julian English would act his age. He s always cutting in. His own crowd won’t have him. I should think he d resign from the club. Listen, if you don t tell him you want him to stop dancing with you, then I will. No thanks, Julian, I d rather walk. No thanks, Mr. English, I haven t much farther to go. Listen, English, I want you to get this straight. Julian, I ve been a