Arrows of Time - Kim Falconer [111]
It’s temporary, Maudi.
I hope so.
She had no body, no connection to physical reality, and the strangeness threw her. It was beyond anything she’d ever experienced or, at least, beyond anything she remembered experiencing. Meditation, of course, was similar, as was astral projection, but the totality of her current state went further, much further. It felt like there was no going back. She didn’t know how to find peace with that.
Was it merely a force of habit, her desire to shrug, to exhale, to relax her shoulders, to let her head tilt to the side, to wink, to rough Drayco’s neck? Or was it more than that, a part of being? She wanted to feel the tension melt from her face, the fine lines around her eyes soften and then spontaneously crinkle again with a smile. She wanted to push her long hair off her forehead and let her hands drop to her sides, clench and relax her fingers. She wanted to wrap her arms around her familiar and squeeze him tight until his tail lashed and she risked a swipe of his massive paw. She wanted to erupt into deep belly laughter and feel her heart pound against her breastbone. She wanted to cry, letting the well of emotion overflow from her eyes. She couldn’t do any of these things and the realisation caught her head-on.
I’m dead.
Maudi! Drayco’s voice snapped into her awareness. He’d been calling to her for some time. Maudi! Think of what you can do, not what you can’t.
For example? She knew she sounded sulky.
Think of the freedom.
Freedom?
Finally, you can keep up with me.
There it was again—the desire to laugh. But she couldn’t laugh, or sigh or cough or smile, or touch or hug.
What can you do? Drayco asked again. Focus on that.
I’m thinking…
There’s a start.
She thought of laughter. She could feel the energy behind the action and its essence. It was like looking at a map of a strange and foreign land—a realm she had never seen before, wasn’t prepared for, but now must travel. The map didn’t make any sense.
Find a reference, Maudi. A point of entry, her familiar suggested.
He was so practical. She loved that about him. An astrological reference? Like what sort of transit this might reflect?
Exactly. Drayco looked in her direction. I’m guessing Neptune?
She exclaimed, but no sound came out. Of course! Perfect! Neptune transiting in opposition to my sun. That’s it. You’re brilliant. She felt her energy whirling about like a dust devil stirring up leaves. Neptune rules the sea, a place where there are no boundaries. In Neptune’s world all the sharp edges, the lines that distinguish one thing from another, are blurred. He’s the god of immersion, the god of dance and ecstasy, boundless love and union with the divine. The god of enchantments and also deceptions. She felt laughter welling up from some deep place of awareness. I know I’m meant to let go of attachments and identification with material ‘reality’, but this is a twist I didn’t count on.
An interesting one, don’t you think?
Very. Neptune makes sense. Everything is dissolving, melting away, so I can see who and what I am without the props. Great goddess of the woods, I never thought of my body as extraneous. This gives me a new perspective on consciousness.
Indeed, me too.
It had been hours since they had left her body in the healing centre, and though she felt neither cold nor hot, or hunger or thirst, those feelings would have been welcomed for the familiarity they offered. She had the opportunity to find out who she was without them now. She wanted to take a deep breath. A wave of reticence struck. So I’m lost.
Not really, Maudi. You’re right here. It’s your body that’s the lost one.
She wanted to nod.
You’ll get used to it, Maudi.
Do you think so?
Drayco’s confidence made her feel stronger, though what part of her needed strength, she couldn’t tell. She was all energy now—liquid light—a spark of consciousness dwelling in the corridors between the worlds. As the reality of her condition settled over her, she felt the magnitude of this event.
We need to get back to Earth, to Kreshkali